Last week I learned that a precious young girl that is dear to my heart is walking through marital discord. Even though the journey she's on is totally different than what my own was nearly 9 years ago, the heartbreak is just as deep and real! She reminds me of what I looked like back then!I learned never to diminish another’s depth of pain by comparing the wounds that have been inflicted on us, it’s just not fair. "Pain is Pain", regardless of what all the different situations might be!
I remember a friend telling me about a book called Unintended Journey years ago after my situation erupted. I never got to purchase or read the book, but the title never left me. No mate, no matter how young or old, ever intends to walk down the aisle so that years later they find themselves in a broken state and on this journey. We just wake up one day and it's as if someone has packed our bags without our knowledge, put them in our hands, and with a shove forward...off we are sent into this unknown place of disclosure ~ learning the authentic mate we married, instead of staying in the dream we thought we were in of a normal, or even what some would deem as a "perfect marriage"!
Today I'm reminded that my nine year anniversary is nearly here, and with good Godly counseling for both my husband and myself...the journey has come to a good place of healing, restoration, and renewal! We didn't get here overnight, but the time it took and the things we did in getting here...were all worthwhile! We still have one another, and we're authentically still doing the things we need to do to keep healthy emotionally and relationally. Our children still have the two parents they love "together" working hard to stay in recovery and healing and not turning back.
To be fair to all those mates that did "everything" they could, yet seen their relationships or marriages still fail... my heart goes out to you! Hold your head high if you did all you could to save the relationship! "I did the best I could with what I had", many of you might say. Trust me, I believe you! I have friends from a support group that I was a part of years ago. Some of their journeys with their marriages are still suffering, someone in the partnership is still stuck... thinking they'll always be like this, they can't change they say. Change is a choice, not something that comes natural to us. If you're in this category, find your hope in the fact that God knows how hard you tried, and move forward in your life.
The great thing about God is He gives us a second chance…and many times a third and fourth in life. I like who I’ve become today! I may not like the reality of how I came into my “fullness”, so to speak! ~ Sometimes in life there will be questions we’ll never have answered…the whys can be endless. It’s when I stopped asking “Why” in my own broken marriage, and started asking “What” about me that I felt like I was on the right track…and little by little God led me to the path that worked for me to learn more about “Who” I am and change what I could, ME!
For my young friend, and all those that are in the “midst” of working hard to save their marriages or relationships ~ my Hat’s off to you! You’ll learn more about yourself than you have your entire life!
Staying in the Day, Sweeping my Own Side of the Street!
~CC Catherine
2 comments:
I can feel your sadness, for your past self, and this young friend.
Marriage is never easy. But my wife and I have been together for 42 years.
Blessings and (gentle) Bear hugs.
What a wonderful and meaningful post. Having been married 31 years, and having gone through many a hurricane in that 31 years, I congratulate you and your husband for doing whatever it took to stay together. Sometimes, as you say, a spouse does all he or she can, but it takes two people to make a marriage work, and if one wants out, there's nothing the other one can do. I have two sisters who went through unwanted divorces, and it still hurts many years after. The thing about divorce, it doesn't just effect the couple divorcing, but all of the family and friends in their lives. It forces them all to walk down and unwanted path.
I think I will look for the book you mentioned here. Sounds like a good one for the spouse who didn't want a marriage to end.
And all the best to your friend. Christian/godly counseling helped save my own marriage many years ago. I think it's a shame when couples don't try to fix a broken marriage, before ending it. Would they ditch their car because it has a flat? A marriage is much more important than a car.
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