Sometimes the tears seem easier to fall when a heart is weary over things we cannot change

"Photo by Juli"

Today I was reminded that some days are really tough to walk through. Sometimes the tears seem easier to fall when a heart is weary over things we cannot change, the day sometimes seem too difficult to bear.
So, I chose to put on a worship and praise CD and was reminded of the Hope I have in "Jesus". I ran to words of encouragement in His Word and was reminded I don't have to walk this journey alone.
I searched for Hope, Encouragement, and Peace...and found some of each... Thank you Heavenly Father!

Even though my journey in marital recovery is going very well, the rest of life and family still has a way of tapping into my temptation of "loving too much". Today I prayed I would stay faithful in sweeping my own side of the street so those I love have the freedom to live their own lives and make their own choices. Even when some of those choices bring painful results, I still have to sweep my own side of the street and allow them to sweep theirs...and I can love them in a much healthier way by doing so.

1 Thessalonians 5:16 - Be joyful always ...pray at all times...be thankful in all circumstances.

Staying in the Day the best I can with "HIS" strength & guidance!
~CC

Detach, Detach, Detach.... Will I Ever Get This Right? I'm Working On It...

When All Else Fails, Enjoy Reconnecting With God...

Work On Relaxing While Enjoying Your Favorite Scone & Cup of Tea

Chocolate Chip Banana Scone

Served with a drizzle of Vanilla Honey Curd and Devonshire Cream

Chocolate Chip Banana Scones: Ingredients:1 1/4 cup flour1/2 cup quick-cooking oats1 1/4 teaspoon baking powder1/2 teaspoon cinnamon1/4 teaspoon baking soda1/4 teaspoon salt6 tablespoons cold butter1/2 cup mashed bananas1/3 cup buttermilk1 cup chocolate chips.Directions: In a mixing bowl, combine flour, oats, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda and salt. Cut in butter. Mix banana and buttermilk thoroughly. Add to the dry ingredients. Add chocolate chips. Mix until just moistened. Knead 12 times. Pat out into a 6" circle. Sprinkle with sugar. With a sharp knife, cut into 6 - 8 wedges. Place 1" apart on lightly greased baking sheet. Bake at 425F for 12 minutes or until golden.
This recipe is from CDKitchen and serves/makes 8

Today was one of those days that started out great! I enjoyed starting work, took an early lunch hour to enjoy a conversation with my friend Kathleen in PA...and then I received a call from one of my adult sons. He is experiencing life at it's worst; a recent broken engagement, dissatisfied with where he's at in the life decisions he's made in the past few years, not happy with where his job is taking him; need I say more?

While on the call, I did my best to listen to his frustrations and say all the right "Motherly" things to encourage him. I hung up the phone and felt like I had now been covered up with a blanket of hopelessness. I felt like his mood had now shifted to me! Drats, I hate it when that happens; can you relate? The remainder of the afternoon I knew exactly what my old nature was doing, getting stuck in something that I didn't need to own. Going back to my support group days, I soon recognized I was in the old pattern of attaching myself to the emotional turmoil that my son was experiencing. I reminded myself that I can love him from a distance without taking on his pain. The best way I can love both myself and him is to pray for him and his needs and then to...Detach...Let Go.... So, I practiced the following: I verbally repeat this to myself over and over...Detach, Detach, Detach... And, I say it in a way that assures me that it's ok to not take on this burden that isn't mine to take. My son will eventually get through this time. In order for him to mature; he needs to experience lessons learned, just like I have in my own life.

It may sound funny to you, but when you realize that you're beginning to obsess or get overly stressed over things you have no control over, detaching is the only thing you can do to be kind to yourself. So, today was one of those days that a scone and cup of tea were created for! There's nothing like "Detaching" with a favorite snack and hot drink - better yet, grab your favorite magazine or book and remind yourself how to do something for just you! That's my self prescribed advice for me today, you might as well enjoy it too!

Bon Appetite! Staying In The Day with you....~CC

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Century Version) 5 Trust the Lord with all your heart, and don't depend on your own understanding. 6 Remember the Lord in all you do, and he will give you success.

©Letting Go Of The Things I Cannot Control...

What Does Letting Go Look Like?

The Flame Of Letting Go...

©Photography by ~CC

I have learned the most challenging thing in life for me has been to release those I love into the "Trust of God's Hands" for the outcome in their lives. It's only through the support I received while attending a Christian Counseling Center that I realized how backward thinking that is. If I believe any worry I choose to entertain in any way helps my loved ones or myself; I have failed both of us greatly.

Instead, I have learned to work very hard at bending my old nature toward laying them rightfully where they belong, in the hands of our Beloved Savior. It's only when I Let Go of them and Let God take the drivers seat of my burden that I have been successful.

Each opportunity that's presented to me, I get to practice this over and over. One of these days, I'm gonna get it right. One of these days, my old nature will be totally bent to where it needs to be.....in allowing the Flame of my own will to "Let Go and Let God" in relation to all those I love.

My prayer today is that you are also working to let go of the things you were never meant to control. Worrying is not about loving, it's about not trusting our Heavenly Father. Just like He has rescued us, He will also rescue our loved ones! The Flame of Letting Go will get easier the more we exercise it...

Staying In The Day with you and continuing to choose to work to "Let Go"... ~CC

Loving Ourself and Others Well....

Photography by ~CC "A Summer Day at the Biltmore Estate Gardens"

Just because we "love" someone, it doesn't mean that we love them well... that includes our self! About two years ago when I joined a women's support group at The Barnabas Center in Charlotte, NC., I learned that it's possible that the "way" we love is not necessarily a healthy way to love.

After learning this, I reflected on the way I'd loved people both past and present. I understood that I was included in the statistics of people who didn't know how to love well. Whether it was loving my parents, my siblings, past boyfriends, and eventually husband and children; all my life I loved poorly by loving too much. Basically, I was always motivated to do things to "keep" their love. I was always doing things I thought I "ought" to do. Most times I didn't consider how some of those things I chose to do would effect me in the long run. I never thought about my own self, at least I didn't think I was thinking about my own self. I just wanted to "keep" the person happy that I loved so they wouldn't leave me.

Falling "in love" as a young woman and marrying Prince Charming is a dream come true for many little girls. It was for me when I married my husband, Johnny. Many women marry the man they think will "complete" them, I did. It sounds so romantic too, doesn't it? "Loving One's Self Well" was already not clear to me. I learned much later in life that to have a healthy emotional love relationship with anyone, I had to bring myself into the relationship feeling "complete and happy" already. I needed to be complete in myself to give 100% of myself to any loving relationship.

Fast forward 20 years... No one can give us happiness and joy if we haven't already learned how to find it within ourselves, we find it within the foundation of our faith and in one's own character. A job can't fill that empty vacuum, and a man that we love can't fill it. It's up to us to search and find out who we are and why we do the things we do. Without knowing these things about ourselves as young women, we go into any relationship with a deficit. We go into the relationship with our cup half full looking for someone else to fill the other half and bring us the joy that we've long searched for.

Many of us have old scars from past pain that we stuff into parts of our heart, "thinking" we're moving forward in life. We're not going to allow ourselves to be affected by a past that binds us we say. So, we walk through life tying to use the coping skills we used as children, yet we aren't a child any longer. The things that used to help us cope are no longer working.

OK, who are we then? Just asking ourselves that question is the start of finding out. Then we are beginning to search out what it means to be an authentic woman, even when it means that we might have to face certain truths about ourselves. It's one thing to fool the ones around us, it's another to realize we've fooled our self the most throughout our life. That's exactly how I felt when I realized that the positive happy person that I constantly radiated to all those around me was not who I truly was inside.

"I will never grow up and allow my children to see me sad and crying, I never want them to see me like that. I don't ever want to make them sad." I had made this unspoken vow when I was a little girl. The reason was because my mother's nerves were often frayed due to having a challenging life with six children by the time she was 29 years old.

I was fourth in the lineup. By the time I was 9, the two older siblings had left the nest. All I wanted was to see my mom smile. I'd clean the house to put a smile on her face. I'd try to make dinner to try and put a smile on her face. I still remember the first time I made a pot roast. She was lying in bed resting and I'd walk back in the room and she'd tell me what to do next.

Early on I struggled to understand what loving well meant. I thought if I just loved harder, it would make my Mom happier. I took this same principle into my adult relationships, and then couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong.

What does "Loving One's Self Well" look like? Really, in many ways for me, it was learning a few things about myself before I could really learn how to love myself well. When I became aware of who I really was as a person... and how I was wired, it explained why I did the things I did all my life. Once I became "aware" of all these things, that's when I began to see I had a choice in changing.

I had to come to grips with the fact that I've struggled in and out of depression much of my life. Most likely because of all the emotions I "thought" I had to stuff. Now I understand why being around people that were depressed were too horrible of an experience for me. It was too much like looking into a mirror and finding out what was truly hidden deep in my own heart. I had to stop running, I needed to learn "about" me, I needed to change what I could, and live with what I couldn't change.

The tragic choices my husband made six years ago brought me to my knees...I was coming full circle to find out the secret I had missed all my life. The Secret to Loving Myself Well, so I could love others well. Loving myself well starts with my being honest when I speak, even when that honesty might hurt the one I love. Do I wear my hair short because my husband likes it short, or because I like it short? If I love myself well, I wear it short because I like it short. If we are continually doing things so people will love us, it's not really an emotionally healthy love we are exhibiting. It's the fear of losing the love from that person is what causes us to do it. Fear some how is at the root of all dysfunction I've learned. The fear of losing the people we love.

Life today looks like this for me: I work daily to be an "authentic" person. I exercise being honest, even when it's difficult...and even when I'm in the mindset that I could hurt someone as a result of my honesty. I allow myself to tell my boss that this is what I can do, and this is what I can't do... when I know too much is being piled on my corporate plate. I am learning to care "about" the people I love, instead of caring "for" them. I am working at "letting go" and "letting God" in all aspects of my life. I'm journeying deeper into finding out what "Intimacy with God" really looks like for me. I'm working hard to "detach" myself when I begin to become obsessed over things I cannot change about the people I care about the most. They deserve their own life experiences just like I do. I am learning to listen to the leaves blowing across my path when I'm taking my walks in the day. I'm learning to stay in the "Present", again, and again, and again. I am learning to Love Myself Well!

And when I slip and fall....and again begin to start to love too much, I have great friends asking me if I'm still loving myself well. That's when I am reminded that this is a life long way of living. It takes time...and I can only get better with time to love myself well. It is when I love myself well that I have something to give, something to contribute to the ones that love me!

Staying In The Day! ~CC