Holding His Hand Tightly As He Leads...

Tulips have a way of waiting for the perfect moment to reveal their true beauty, our lives sometimes are the very same way... God's timing is always perfect with everything he's created!

Who Was I?

Today I'm reminded of how much "My Story" of the past has bled into different chapters of "My Story" in the present. Those too familiar words have rung in my ear as I've journeyed, "Let Go and Let God".

I would find myself giving the wheel to God, and before I knew it, it was as if my life was heading for a sharp curve. The fear foundation that I was raised in would begin to bubble up within like a rising thermometer...and before I realized it, I'd ripped the wheel out of God's hands and taken it back into my own.

The Pieces all Link Together, One Way Or Another...
Everything from our past molds us into the individuals we become today, both good and bad. Larry Crabb's book, "Shattered Dreams" says it best. He writes that shattered dreams are never random, they are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. He moves on to write that the Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God., to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. He continues on in his book to share that it's our shattered dreams that have the power to change our lives for good, Forever." Reading his book would prove to be part of my process of breaking some of the barriers that needed broken down so God could do what He needed to do within my heart for the rebuilding of my marriage to begin.

Along Life's Way...I'm Getting it!

I have learned throughout the walk of our Marital Restoration that God uses "everything" to help us "GET IT". In the past seven years of walking in Marital Restoration and healing He has taught me more and more about myself, about the deepest fears that I would never acknowledge existed. He's taught me about "My Trust Issues" with Him. He's revealed to me all the hundreds of questions in my heart that I never allowed myself to voice aloud...and he showed me the depth of the anger I'd never allowed to surface my entire life. Did these things have anything to do with my marriage if their origin didn't have anything to do with it? Yes, inadvertently...I'm positive they did; regardless of whether the questions, fears, trust issues, or anger had anything to do with me or my husband's relationship directly or not. The "Dance" of marriage we observe and learn along the way becomes "Our Dance" as a couple. It's up to us then to make sure the steps we're dancing together need corrected by "The Professional", God, or not... Good Christian Marital counseling by trained individuals is critical for healing in a marriage. They were definitely part of His Blueprint for our healing and restoration.

Don't Sugar Coat It!

With all that I've learned these past years, I'd like to say that I have forever given the wheel to Father God, never to rip it out of his hands again. I'll be honest and transparent instead here and not sugar coat it..."it's a process" that I'm getting better at each time I'm allowed to walk through a period of crisis in my life. I owe God much, I owe Him everything. Throughout my life I've tried to save myself at every sharp curve and did a horrible job of it. I did the best that I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Within the past seven years God has used my life experiences in my marriage to get at the deeper core of all the roots that were robbing me of the full joy and peace that I could have if I just gave Him the wheel of my life, my heart. I learned that it's in my heart that I needed to give in, it's in my heart that I needed to "Let Go and Let Him be God"~

Where I'm At Today

Today I am using the "tools" that He has guided me to so I can continue to learn more about who I am and why I have done the things I have over the periods of my life to survive. What helped me survive my abuse as a child no longer work to survive my life crises as an adult. It's when I began to learn why I did the things I did that I could begin to change the things I could about myself, and that was only something I could do with His guidance and support every step of the way.

The Gift

Ultimately...my Marriage Crisis was a gift to me. I couldn't have made that statement on January 16, 2002...or December 25, 2005, etc... If the gift were packaged in the most beautiful gift wrap and tied up with the fanciest bow, I'm positive I would have never opened it if you'd told me what me, my husband, and my family would need to walk through to come to the place we are today. Trust is something I've learned along the way...and just like a real marriage, God is teaching me new ways to love him, new ways to trust him, and new ways to "Let Go and Let Him" control every area of my life, every crevice of my heart...

My Only Guarantee in Life

God is my only guarantee in life. Isaiah 42:16 "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them". When my Beloved first came home, this was the first scripture we put on a card and taped to our wall...we memorized it and would say it over and over and over. I realized that what I thought I wanted in the early stages of my journey was a "Blueprint" of weeks, months, and years ahead of me ~ The haunting question early on was, "What would we look like as a couple, family, would we make it?" And if we did, what would that look like? Instead "He", The Lord, wanted to lead me by holding my hand one moment and day at a time. Not only has that taught me how to trust Him more, but it's also how I've learned to trust my Beloved again...

No matter what our journey, He is here with us to "Stay In The Day" forever, regardless if we get the Blueprint we wanted or not! Just hold His hand and let him lead...you!

xoxo ~CC

© If We Only Focus On Death, We May Not See All The Beauty That Lies Before Us

© Focusing Beyond Death...

© Photography by ~CC - Tallulah Falls, GA (please double click on the photograph so you can see an enlarged view to see the details of both Death and Beauty)

I had the privilege of enjoying Veteran's Day in the GA mountains with my husband and a friend yesterday. The location, Tallulah Falls, a vibrant State Park where we walked over two miles on a number of the trails, crossed over a bridge suspended over one of the falls and it was "breathtaking", to say the least. We walked so many steps that today I have found a new respect for what the calves in my legs felt like earlier this week.

This photo was one of the pics I snapped. I deliberately take photos that evoke deep thought, and this one was shouting out at me. Standing staunch and dark was death; the dead tree...and the vast array of beauty is seen surrounding it with the waterfalls and colorful foliage as it's back drop. This "freeze frame" reminded me of how easy it is for us to focus on the "death" in our lives at times, so much so that we miss the rest of the beauty that surrounds us. Whether it's the death of a dream, a friendship, a marriage, or a loved one; there is still much beauty that surrounds us; despite our deep loss. The key for us is to look for it, no matter how hard it might be.

Today my prayer is that you look for the beauty surrounding you. Maybe it's not a waterfall with fall leaves, instead maybe it's the smile of a baby sitting in front of you in church, or the sun setting on a cool winter evening as a wood burning stove is trailing in the distance. Regardless, there is beauty surrounding you; embrace it and use it as a stepping stone into tomorrow. Taking one day at a time, you can move forward.

Staying In The Day with you while choosing to focus on the beauty around me, ~CC

© Do we devote to "doing" versus how much time we give to "being"

Miracles of Reconciliation

©Photography by ~CC

Miracles of reconciliation are not complete when they occur, the work has only just begun. With God in control of our lives, he makes the impossible a reality. I believe our failures are allowed for us each to realize how imperfect we are on our own. It is only through "Him" that we truly succeed in the things or people we touch in this life. We can choose to "do" anything, but what if "He" calls us just to "be"? And if so, what would that look like?

It's been months since I've journaled on this blog, I have missed it! I have thought of you often, have written in my mind time after time, but only today I stopped "doing" and am just "being" here with you. Maybe it's all the pain I've witnessed these past weeks from the people I love the most; my family and our friends.

A friends loss of both parents this year, burying her mother as recent as two weeks ago. This same friend is experiencing another chance at love and finds herself newly engaged, a blessing at such a time of deep loss and pain in her life. Another testimony to life after divorce.

Another friend not even forty has been diagnosed with Melanoma Cancer on his ear lobe. He and his wife are leaning on God, family and friends for support.

Another friend is one of my largest fans of this blog, is getting another chance with reconciliation in her marriage. She was faithful to pray and believe that he would come home after many months of separation and anguish, and he did. My peer at work has a saying, "God is off the chain". I think I know what she means when I witness the victory of reconciliation.

Another set of friends are at the financial crossroads of ruin and do not know where their next roof over their head will be. I remember our family being there ourselves years ago, we walk with these friends and encourage them by sharing our life story; God will make a way, some how, some way...and they continue the fight.

And then there is the young family that was torn apart last year at this time from marital affairs, that now finds themselves in the rebuilding phase of their marriage. During that painful time the husband felt his life was heading in another direction. The wife, pregnant with their third child, refused to allow her love to die for this husband. Months later, and with much prayer, this husband returned home. The picture on this journal entry are the hands of this family; wife, husband, sons, and baby daughter. A "Miracle" of reconciliation....and they are working together to "stay together" one day at a time.

I am encouraged by the new chapters we all face in our lives after we walk through such pain. A young woman's life restored in every way after losing it all. Today she finds herself years later happily married, healthy, has a devoted husband, son, and a daughter on the way soon.

This morning as I was reading a great book called "The Good Life", by Chuck Colson, I was literally frozen when I read the following: (paraphrased) Thinking about his autistic grandsons schedule made him examine his own priorities. It made him think about the time he devoted to "doing" things- a lot of it simply indulging in distraction - versus how much time he gave to "being". Don't we all fall into that catagory at times? I identified with that statement, and I don't like it.

My prayer today for all of us is that we stop "doing"...and that we just simply "be" who it is today that God wants us to be. To sit quietly in a chair and read or pray. To hear our friend in need, to hug and comfort our neighbor that sits quietly alone; longing to have someone visit him or her. Let us be, just be........who God has intended us to be without the "doing".

I am reminded of the victory and healing that God brought to my own family nearly seven years ago. By all standards, our marriage and family were doomed in the worlds eyes, but not in God's. His desire was for us to take one day at a time, do the best we could to Stay In the Day, and live out the Victory He had given us, despite our own failures.

My goal remains to live out Psalm 147:11. "The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love". Nehemiah 8:10, "The JOY of the Lord is your STRENGTH".

Stay In The Day........ Stop "doing" and just "be"! ~CC

© Cherish Today...Stay In The Moment...Life is Precious

© Photography by ~CC

Today's blog entry is dedicated to my two grandchildren that reside in heaven, one as recent as 1/31/2008. Though never cradled in my arms, neither the arms of their parents, they will forever be remembered in our hearts and our minds as our little precious Jewels that we will one day meet face to face in heaven. Until then........we will cherish today, stay in the moment, and appreciate life, because it is precious. My daughter, mother of one of these grandchildren, wrote this poem nearly 20 years ago when she was just 13. Amazing how when I read it now that it speaks to me of my Jewels in heaven, and that God is the one who holds them in his arms.

Poem: "I sit on my patio, early in the morning. Sunlight shines gently overlooking the Seine, across my face and falls on her. The blanket stirs gently and the tiny bundle moves. A small wimper and a rustling movement, two small eyes squint in the light. The Jewel I now hold yawns and stretches gently in my arms. Her frailness and beauty consume me like a candle flame consumes a dark room. A bird sings to nature's late waking, for the night before she greeted them. Kings have kingdoms and merchants their ships, but the richest in all the world is I who hold the Jewel."

This same daughter spoke yesterday of how much we need to appreciate each day, each moment with those we love. Her words pierced my soul, I knew what she meant. I identify with how easy it is to go through life and feel "caught up" by yesterday, or burdened by what may come tomorrow that we can easily miss the precious things in our "today". This morning I sat by my bedroom fireplace with my Grandma's antique lights on the mantel. As I prayed and enjoyed the moment alone with God, he reminded me that my Grandma was there in heaven to greet my precious Jewel yesterday. He reminded me that what my Grandma once told me is very true, "Heaven is like a family reunion, and I'll get to see all the people I love when I get to take my trip".

Cherish today, Stay In The Moment, Life is Precious...... I will love like there is no tomorrow, and I will appreciate each breath that I take. Make today count... ~CC

Psalm 39:7 7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.

"Poor Choices" will TAKE you further than you want to go, COST you more than you want to pay, and KEEP you longer than you want to stay.

Anyone who's made a mistake of colossal proportion can tell you the "title" of this blog entry is more than accurate. The #1 statistic for the failure of marriages finds it's root in the financial condition of that couples life. Any financial mismanagement births a sense of failure, the sense of failure births stress, stress opens the door as to how we will "medicate" ourselves to alleviate that stress.

Typically when a relationship enters into this realm, each partner has a slightly different view of who owns the responsibility of the way their money is spent, or who made the choices that lead them down the path of the credit cards being maxed out, and all the other choices that making it from paycheck to paycheck no longer are enough. All of a sudden each mate finds themselves going down a road of choice to "escape". Thus, opens the door for addictive behaviors. Whether it's overeating, overspending, overworking yourself, or even being an addictive talker, you are making those choices to avoid dealing with the real issues in your life. Think about it, if overspending is an addiction, then there were issues in place in your life that started the desire to overspend in the first place, right?

From my research, one does not start out to just "have an affair". Choosing to have an affair occurs as a result of one not dealing with deeper root issues in their life. Just like an alcoholic nurses a bottle of whiskey to drown their sorrows, the same thing occurs when one instead steps outside the boundaries of marriage to select another person to drown their sorrows with. Do you remember the song from the 80's, "If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right"? Society has desensitized us so much that it becomes very easy to reason away "the why" of our decisions. But, the lyrics are never written about the consequences our choices cost us, do they?

Let's talk about that for a moment. A sense of failure can affect people in a variety of ways. To some, they see the failure as a stepping stone to success and they keep on keeping on, "Nothing is Gonna Stop Them". For others, the failure strikes a chord, something is wrong and they don't know how to change it. It just seems so much easier to throw away the "present" and start anew. If multiple affairs occur in a marriage, some studies link this with a type of "sexual addiction". It's what one grabs for, just like a bottle of whiskey, to ease the pain. Or, it's used to get lost in another world while they try to make sense out of this thing called "life". One thinks, it's just easier to start all over again. It's not that easy, the "root issues & baggage" then just get transferred into that new relationship.

Being a christian doesn't make one exempt from making poor choices. We struggle with all the same temptations those in the world do. I was naive most of my life thinking otherwise. Remember the slogan on the bumper sticker, "Christians aren't perfect, they're just Forgiven"? Now, I understand the truth of what that slogan represents. All my Christian life I thought we (my family) would be "exempt" from making "really" poor choices because we loved the Lord so much. What a misconception I had about life, about people, about my husband, my family. I expected perfection, and what I got was "reality".

Beth Moore wrote a book called, "When Godly people do Ungodly Things". But by the "Grace" of God, I might have went down a different path. I could have been the one that made the choices my husband made, but I wasn't. But, I "could" have been... This sheds an entirely different light on our perspective when we understand that choices people make aren't always made because of whether they love us or not. Sometimes it's alot deeper than that. The broken relationship itself will only be a symptom of a much larger issue that is deeper inside of the one running away.

I once wrote a poem called "The Revolving Door". Sometimes we just want to escape from our Life. All we want is a way out, just for a little while. Maybe even start a new one, just for a little while. When we're ready to come back, we will...it's just that depending on how long that takes, it might be too late. And yet, it might not be. I was determined it would not be too late for us. But then again, I'm the one that defines failure as a stepping stone to success, and in my case, it was.

My prayer is that whichever state you are in right now, that you will Stop, Look, and Listen. No matter what, GOD has a plan for your life! There are no "coincidences" in life, only "Godincidences". If your reading this blogspot for daily encouragement, that's a GODINCIDENT...it's part of the plan for your recovery. It's part of the plan for HIM to use anyone and anything to help you get to the next level of total healing. The ONLY one you can change in life is YOU. God wants us to be dependent on HIM alone, for EVERYTHING! Sometimes I believe He allows the situations in our lives purposefully so we come to realize that we cannot live this life "without" HIM! We cannot change the circumstances of our lives, but we can change how we will walk through them, we can change whatever it is within ourselves along the way that we are directed to.

Some gifts come in unrecognizable packages. And for some, can even come as a result of a spouses betrayal. That may sound harsh, but the reality is that if I became a better person as a result of walking through the painful process with my husband and continue to journey for health and success in this marriage, then I've become a better person as a result of it. I've learned to "embrace" my shattered dreams and asked GOD to reveal to me the greater dreams he's given me in the process. I've grown and understand so much more about the authentic me, about my husband, about my family, about emotional health and wholeness, about what love really looks like. To me, this has been a GIFT.

My prayer for you today is that you are Staying In The Day...that you are making the most of THE PRESENT day! Remember, don't look back, don't look forward, it's such a waste of your time to try and control something you have no control over. Do something today that will make a difference, do something today that will begin to give you a sense of HOPE. Your PAIN is real, EXPRESS it; but don't allow it to hold you captive permanently. Get plugged into a support group, preferably one that is facilitated by professionals, whether licensed or pastoral led. That would be the GREATEST gift to yourself this year for Christmas! Life is all about choices, will you make this one for yourself today?

Staying In The Day with you....~CC

Exactly What Does Living a Life of Transparency Look Like...

Photo by ~CC

Clouds have a way of looking transparent at times, but somewhere hidden inside a thin film of that cloud is something dark... hidden... maybe a storm that no one knows the depth of...maybe a storm like ours. We can hide some of the darkness for a period of time. There will come a time when our tears must fall...you may be surprised at how the rain of those tears will move us forward in understanding our journey in a greater way than we ever imagined.

The quality of being see-through is what the dictionary defines the word "transparent" as. Over the past six years I've heard repeatedly of the necessity in living an "authentic and transparent" life. The word authentic is described in the dictionary as "not counterfeit", which would be synonymous with the meaning of "not fake".

I'm choosing to talk about this subject for a particular reason at this phase of my own journey. I want you to understand the need for discretion in revealing your personal story, and what exactly a "transparent" life looks like for you right now. Appropriate "Next Steps" are critical in our lives, whether personally or professionally. In order to reach a particular goal in our lives, following a blue print is always helpful. Carefully selected "Next Steps" can in some ways provide you a path to follow. Each situation is unique, because our lives all take on different facets. What may have worked best for me, may not necessarily work best for you.

At each fork in the road it's critical to pray and ask God for guidance. You may have decided to not expose your situation to "anyone" in your life. You may have opted to "go it alone" and keep your pain tucked inside because it's too difficult to let anyone know what happened to you, to your relationship, marriage... You may have decided to shout it from the rooftop as a result of the fact that the pain was too difficult to mask, everyone now knows. Or, you could have been like me, and decided to be selective on who you shared your story with. Like an onion unfolding over the years, I have become totally transparent with certain individuals when the Lord has opened up what I call the "Godincident" moments. These moments are times in which I clearly have seen God open the window for me to share my story, a little bit at a time.

When I first learned of my situation, the last thing I wanted to do was tell everyone. I just knew we'd work through whatever issues we needed to, and I strongly felt that the fewer people that knew, it would be for the better. The last thing we really needed at that time was people feeling sorry for me, for us. I was concerned that when I was dealing with anger they could possibly influence my decision to stay in the marriage and work through the hard stuff. Our decision was kept to a minimum of friends and family knowing. Neither of us told our mothers, nor most our siblings. A year or so down the road, my husband confessed his infidelity to his father. The select friends that we decided to tell became our prayer warriors to pray us through. Other than that, no one knew what we were walking through unless we told them.

One of the things I learned when I joined the support group a few years later that was so influential in my healing was the need to learn how to become an "authentic" person. All my life I worked so hard to "hold it all together", that I really didn't know how to live my life any other way. "Fake it till I make it" was even part of my motto in the sales world I was a part of. I learned in my group that to be authentic it sometimes means to let my guard down, to be vulnerable, and to be open and honest about the reality I'm living in. There was something that allowed me to feel "Freed" when I chose to share my story with this support group of women. Not only was it healing for me to do that, but my story also encouraged others that had walked the similar path I had been on. Compassion for another helps us to realize we are not alone...and that to me was huge, and still is!

When I started this blog, one of the first journal entries I made was on living a "transparent" life. As I wrote that entry and was reviewing prior to posting it, part of me felt it was a hypocritical statement since I still had not confided my story to my mother, or my other siblings. I so much wanted to at times, but yet I always held back. In some ways I think I was protecting my mother from the pain of knowing what I'd walked through, and in some ways I was still trying to protect the reputation of my husband. For whatever reason, I had not told. Please let me share at this point that I personally think that revealing one's story is not for everyone! Only if it's what you think is best for you, your spouse, and your situation. Never should you tell someone in order to rally your own defense team. If you do, you've most assuredly set your course to go down a path that could end in the dissolve of your marriage.

In my case, it's been nearly 6 years come January 16. Many of the deep wounds have healed, and we continue to move forward in our recovery. We both have done tons of counseling, soul searching with God, and have worked on growing our relationships personally to mature spiritually, as well as emotionally. My husband and I both feel our calling is to minister to women and men that are now walking a mile in the moccasins we wore at one time, and continue to wear in the ongoing recovery of our previously broken marriage. The moccasins of a marriage in turmoil, in shock, in disillusion...ready to either explode, die, or radically get saved. It's because of this reason, and this reason only, that I knew it was a matter of time before we'd begin to tell others.

Just about 4-5 weeks ago I shared my story with my sister for a specific reason. She had someone close to her needing encouragement for their marriage to hang in there, to fight with all their might; I directed her to have them visit this site. This past Saturday a simple conversation led me to confess my journey to my mother, and I cried like a baby at one point when I shared my story and path I've lived this past six years. For me, the tears were one of relief that I could finally be honest with my mom. For once I allowed myself the release to just be a daughter, and let my mom comfort me. I'd rarely made that type of choice throughout my adult years. I was always trying to protect my mom from worrying. I was always trying to play the part of the caretaker. Now, I'm working hard at changing all the old roads I used to go down, I'm choosing new paths.

No matter what discretion you've used in selecting to let others know of your story, please be cautious. Pray about who should and should not know. The people you tell can either help you or hinder you, regardless of whether you work to keep your marriage together, or to dissolve it. Godly counsel for your marriage is a must! Without some sort of solid counseling on both you and your husbands part, you will just be spinning your wheels to repair the situation. We couldn't personally afford to have us both in counseling at the same time, so we did one year for my husband first, then I went to a 4 day Intensive Counseling week at "His High Places". There is a link on this blog spot where you can access to His High Places directly if you are interested. I learned a wealth of information about myself in those short 4 days. Enough to hold me another year until God would lead me to "The Barnabas Center". Each step of my path those first few years were divinely appointed by the Lord, I truly believe that. Like that onion unfolding, a bit of pain was able to be revealed each time I'd take the "Next Step". Each fork in the road allowed me the privilege to "Let Go and Let God" more and more, more and more.

For me personally, my telling my mother this past weekend has helped me to once again become more transparent, to allow someone that is extremely close to me to see a bit more of who I really am. By my telling her a portion of my story, I've allowed her to come in to see more of me and learn who I've become these past six years, and who I am today as a result of that. We are all constantly evolving in our lives. Sometimes it is the pain from our life experiences that helps us to become the beautiful flowers we're intended to be in God's Garden of Life.

My prayer for you is that you always move with caution, and that you only reveal your story to others that are "safe" and that will be respectful of your particular situation. Let me also caution you on the "wealth of information", or lack thereof that you may share. Details and content are not necessary, and I would not recommend you share them with anyone unless you are involved in a safe and protected environment where confidentiality is enforced. The only place I recommend sharing those types of truths, if you feel necessary, are in the safety and confidential haven of a professional Support Group led by a licensed Counselor. In my group we signed agreements that we would not reveal any of our peers situations outside the group. We all respected the agreement.

Staying in the Day & Continually Moving Forward in My Journey "With You"! ~CC

Love...

Love, A Desire...A Passion...

What is it? I know, I think I know,

I was wrong, I don't know at all.

I tell myself, you know love...you knew love...

It's gone, It left,

Like the sun setting in the evening,

It's gone forever, But where has it gone?

I can't see love anymore, It has now left my burdened soul.

But wait, Is love that I see? Yes, it is. It's really love.

But the love of a friend is what I "need",

Not the love of the World, The sin it feeds my mind, The false that blinds my eyes, It's not love,

But nothing at all.

Five years ago I began on a journey I never intended to travel. A journey that would create a need within my soul to learn how to just simply, "Stay in the Day". Through a series of life events, my marriage and my family came to a screeching halt in January, 2002. Life as we knew it would never ever be the same. And, like Humpty Dumpty, I wasn't sure if we could ever be put back together again.

Sound familiar? Maybe you, or someone you know, have walked through something that has hit you square in the chest, knocked the wind out of your sails, and in the blink of an eye your life is in a zone you never intended to find yourself in. We all share threads of a tapestry in our life stories, yet unique. We sometimes find ourselves feeling all alone, we have no blueprint to follow to get back what we just feel we've lost... or to know which road to follow going forward.

The Death of any Dream of what we "thought" we had can be an isolating and paralyzing reality for any individual. Whether it comes as a result of an "Unexpected Illness", "Death of a loved one", "Betrayal in a Marriage, friendship, etc...", "Incarceration of a loved one", or "Loss of a job where the commitment has been over and above what has been expected", the outcome still equates to something dieing.

Life has turned the page, and what do you now do to cope? You find yourself being forced to watch a part in a movie that makes you want to run out the back door. You get to the exit door and they won't let you out. They simply escort you back to your seat, and insist you continue to stay and watch the movie. The movie is your life and the people you love are in it with you. The movie picks back up at the Death of your Dream, whatever that may be.

Well, for myself, I learned that even a "Miss Pollyanna" can eventually come to a fork in the road where she must learn to Let Go, and Let God. Let go of what? "Everything" All control is lost, all the positive statements, motivational hype, and coping skills I'd used all my life were drawing a blank. January 16, 2002, was my Movie, the "Death of my Dream". The nature of survival was to just learn how to "Stay in the Day" so I could get to the next one. And to the next one, and to the next one.

I tried searching everywhere for the "Blueprint" that would help me with my recovery plan. I couldn't find it. The words God whispered in my ear were "Stay in the Day". Don't worry about what's behind you, don't fret about what is ahead of you, just focus on "Staying in the Day". Seemed simple enough, as in those days I felt mentally all over the place. "Stay in the Day" would become the phrase I would remind myself of when I tried living in the past, or borrowing something from the future that I could not control.

I found my "Blueprint" one year into my journey. I'll be sharing much of that with you as we walk together. The Death of my Dream, unfaithfulness in my marriage, was a reality for me. But in the midst of that, I found an entirely new one. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, my marriage and family were all put back together again, but it wasn't overnight. We're not the same people in the movie anymore, any of us. I found we weren't the perfect family I thought we were either. I learned there is no perfect marriage or family. That helped me so much! The expectations for any of us trying to be the best at everything can be overwhelming.

All the true life characters in the threads of my tapestry are still growing, still searching, and still trying our best to "Stay in the Day". Trying to focus on what one can change, instead of focusing on what we can't go back and change. A real "authentic" life has both joy and sadness. Without sadness or loss, one would not ever truly understand the depth of joy. An unexpected turn in one's path on any "Unintended Journey" doesn't have to be walked alone. As the days unfold, your own "Blueprint" will be made known to you, just like mine was to me. In the meantime, Stay in the Day.

Proverbs 3: 5 & 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

~Cassandra, to my Mom, & ~CC to my Barnabas Center friends...