~Focus on Today - Today is where you are, Stay In It and Fall Backwards...

Treat Yourself With Dignity - Eat Healthy!

Butter Bib Lettuce, Red Cabbage, Mango, Oven Roasted Walnuts, Blueberries,

Drizzle w/ Rasberry Vinigrette Salad Dressing Salad

Last evening my husband had an "A'ha" moment. He was bringing me a cup of hot tea. As he walked into the family room, he was reminded of a tracing of my hand print I had made for him over 6 years ago. Around the outside of the handprint I'd copied an old poem I had written for him when we fell in love over 27 years ago. As he recalled this memory, he had a sweet smile on his face. I reminded him, lovingly, "That's the poem I sent to you six years ago when you weren't well, right before your call to me the following week". The call I was referring to was when he told me he would not be coming home, and that he was in a relationship with another woman.

He had totally misplaced in his memory why and when I'd given that to him. He only knew how much it had meant to him. Consequences of poor choices always have a way of creeping back into our memory. For me, that handprint and poem were a good memory. I felt God had inspired me to draw my handprint and copy that old poem around it, mail it next day air with a 13 page letter to remind him of my love and committment to him. At the time I thought he was nearing a nervous breakdown, but I had not a clue as to what was causing it. The memory for him when I shared why I had gave it to him brought sadness. Sadness on reflecting who he had become, and the pain that his sin had brought to me, our children, and himself.

We have rare flashbacks of those painful days, weeks, months, and early years when he came back to us. Fortunately for both of us, the counseling and support groups we joined in those early days of recovery continue to help us stay on the right track!

• We focus on the things we can change, not on the things we cannot; "the past".
• We live each day to the fullest and pray for God to guide us in each of our steps.
• We do our best to allow one another to sweep their own side of the street, we're still working on this one. This equates to not trying to control each other.
• We continue to strive for growth individually, both spiritually and emotionally.
• We realize that it's important to have accountability partners of the same sex, each of us. Marriage is work, regardless whether we are men and women of faith or not. By sharing our struggles with a "safe" friend that can pray with and for us, this helps us to stay on the right track.

  I leave you today with some food for thought:
• Never keep a secret to yourself of thoughts you're entertaining regarding an "emotional" connection to someone you know or have just met. Emotional connections are considered an emotional affair. When we are frustrated about where our marriage is, or what our marriage is not, it's very easy to fall into a trap of admiring someones kindness to you. This is definitely a baby step toward an affair beginning. Purchase the book, Torn Assunder, by Dave Carder if you relate to what I'm explaining here. Become Aware so you can "Beware" of what could ensnare you in this vulnerable time.
• Be appreciative that you are surviving one day at a time! Don't borrow what tomorrow holds, stay in today. Pray, read the word, (write it if you feel you are not remembering what you are reading, I did this) eat healthy, walk or exercise.
• Find a good marriage counselor & support group. We chose Christian counselors that were able to both speak to our spiritual and emotional needs. They were great!
• If you have children, get them into counseling; we did not do this. That was an oversight that we struggle sometimes to forgive ourselves for not doing. Sometimes we are so engrained in our own grief that we think that if our marriage makes it, that's all our children need. Children can be damaged in deep ways. They need to express their own emotions of the pain they are experiencing as they see their parents struggle to keep their marriage in tact. And they need to express them to a professional that can help them sort out their feelings to cope in a healthy way.
• Treat yourself with Dignity! Dignity for me was no longer trying to find out "who" she was. No more searching the web to find a phone number to call and dump my frustration and emotions out on her. No more trying to ask questions about how he had felt toward her. Dignity for me was to begin to hold my head high, and be good to myself. When I felt like I was being sucked back to that "victim" mentality, I had to purposefully choose the higher road.

  I pray you will choose the higher road too! Maybe you are just at the beginning of your journey, maybe you're like me and are years down the road in the recovery of your marriage. Maybe you are walking alone, and life is uncertain either way. Trust God! As painful as all your days can be at times, HE will bring you through them, one by one. I hung on to, and still do, my favorite bible verse, Proverbs 3: 5&6: 5. Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. 6. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

  Staying In The Day along with you, ~CC
• PS: This post was originally written for an earlier post. I'm reposting again for the recipe I refer to on my other blog this week: http://catherinesteacups.blogspot.com/ I also wanted to say that tomorrow, 1/18/09, will be seven years since the phone call I refer to in the post. Early in my situation I wondered if I would ever get to a place of peace again in my marriage. I longed for a blueprint that would tell me when, and if, I'd ever regain it. I'm blessed to say that "today" I am experiencing that peace. Each day gets better...and I give God all the glory for bringing us "through" what was meant to destroy us! ~CC

© A Lost Art, Living From The Heart

© Photography by ~CC

~A Lost Art...The Pathway to Living From The Heart

Does distance make the heart grow fonder? I guess the answer to that depends on what we are distanced from. In my case with the absence of spending time this past month blogging, the answer is yes~ I've been away from blogging partly due to some writing assignments with N.E. Georgia Writers Club. So, I'm glad to be back! The writing assignments are done and submitted!

During my hiatus, I came across a small four inch spiraled notebook that I used in the early days of my journey in the restoration of my marriage and my life. It was nice to sit back and reconnect with who I was in those early days and understand how far I've come with the aid of a phenomenal God, tremendous support and guidance from qualified counselors, and the generosity of other women that have aided me in understanding that I've not walked this journey alone.

My purpose of the journal was to write daily in it before I began my day. Typically I would write before I even stepped foot out of bed. My challenge was to write and express who God was to me each day. I was also to explore and write about what God meant to me that specific day. I thought it might be interesting to share these with you. The things I wrote about is most likely where the threads of our tapestry in life are similar. We all are searching for more of God, and to learn the art of how to live more from the heart.

Journal Entry#1, July 27, 2002: Circumstances change, but God doesn't. Today He is waiting for me. He is patience to me today, so patient.

Journal Entry#2, July 28, 2002: Today God, my Heavenly Father is my only source for breath. He always has been I guess...Today I know it for sure.

Journal Entry#3, July 29, 2002: Today, my Heavenly Father is still my breath... I am no longer breathing, it is He who inhales and exhales; but it is still I who sighs. I don't want to sigh Father.

Journal Entry#4, October 26, 2002: Father God, Today you are my encourager - to get out of bed, to bathe, to think, to function. Where would I be without you?

Journal Entry#5, October 27, 2002: Lord God, Today you mean to me "My Tomorrow". I cannot think about anything but today, I can not~ You are my tomorrow, no matter what~ Life is not fair, but you are.

Journal Entry#6, October 29, 2002: Today God remains with me ---every moment of the day. I feel Him in me, around me, carrying me, I feel him everywhere. It's OK that I am tired. He will carry me; I don't have to do it on my own.

Journal Entry #7, November 3, 2002: Dear Lord, You have not changed ---ever! I only have lost my view from time to time. Today you are "Forever" to me! Forever, ~C

Today it rained here. The air always smells so great and fresh! It's always as if there is a sense of new beginnings to me after a rain. The sunshine comes out, the earth is inhaling the fresh air and the plants and trees around always appear greener. The rain has a great way of reminding us of what we can't live without.

Taking the time to read this journal again reminded me that God works the same way when we're faced with the struggles in our lives. He uses whatever He can in our lives to draw us closer to Him. The ultimate goal is for our hearts to be 100% connected to His~ How can we live from our hearts if we're not connected to Him, our source? I'm glad the journal entries refreshed my mind as to how my own journey of brokenness brought me closer to Him. The brokenness and tragedy was sometimes paralyzing to me. But in many ways, it was like the dreary rain over my life eventually brought forth greener pastures. Today, my life is much brighter. Today, I'm still searching to understand where God is leading me. More importantly, I'm working at living from the heart, it's truly ~HIS Art... Staying in the Day, ~C

Just Breathe....

With the Holiday Season sweeping in, similar to the snow storm in the North East where I'm currently visiting, so are the magazines piling up in my mailbox trying to encourage everyone to do their last minute shopping with them. One thing that captivated my attention was a simple bracelet that had a simple message engraved on it. The bracelet says, "Just Breathe". I love the message of that bracelet, not only does it remind me of what I used to tell myself during the early days of the restoration of my marriage, but it still is applicable today.

So many times "the PRESENT" can still become overwhelming, if I allow it to! I've learned over the years that I have been a perfectionist all my life. Due to that fact, I make life much harder on myself sometimes than I need to. I'm learning to "let go" of many things. When one is in the early stages of recovering from anything, a message reminder to "Just Breathe" can help one to do just that. It can also be the beginning of showing you what is most relative to the moment.

"Time" has a way of making even the worst moment bearable. But when we are living in the moment of the crisis, it's critical to "Just Breathe". One breath at a time, one foot in front of the other, you will make it. You need to remind yourself that some how, some way, you "WILL" get through this! One of my favorite scriptures is Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength". "HIM" of course, is referring to Jesus Christ. That's exactly how I got beyond my circumstances, and continue to live my life, with HIM!

Remember, no matter what, "Just Breathe". Another favorite scripture of mine is Psalm 150:6, " Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the Lord."

Do something special for yourself today. Call a friend and express to them what their support means to you. Write a list of 100 things you want to accomplish in your lifetime. This can be a tremendous time for you to list the things you hope for, even when you may be in a crisis that seems hopeless. GOD will make a way. Stay strong, and Just Breathe!

Staying in the Day with Love! ~CC

"Poor Choices" will TAKE you further than you want to go, COST you more than you want to pay, and KEEP you longer than you want to stay.

Anyone who's made a mistake of colossal proportion can tell you the "title" of this blog entry is more than accurate. The #1 statistic for the failure of marriages finds it's root in the financial condition of that couples life. Any financial mismanagement births a sense of failure, the sense of failure births stress, stress opens the door as to how we will "medicate" ourselves to alleviate that stress.

Typically when a relationship enters into this realm, each partner has a slightly different view of who owns the responsibility of the way their money is spent, or who made the choices that lead them down the path of the credit cards being maxed out, and all the other choices that making it from paycheck to paycheck no longer are enough. All of a sudden each mate finds themselves going down a road of choice to "escape". Thus, opens the door for addictive behaviors. Whether it's overeating, overspending, overworking yourself, or even being an addictive talker, you are making those choices to avoid dealing with the real issues in your life. Think about it, if overspending is an addiction, then there were issues in place in your life that started the desire to overspend in the first place, right?

From my research, one does not start out to just "have an affair". Choosing to have an affair occurs as a result of one not dealing with deeper root issues in their life. Just like an alcoholic nurses a bottle of whiskey to drown their sorrows, the same thing occurs when one instead steps outside the boundaries of marriage to select another person to drown their sorrows with. Do you remember the song from the 80's, "If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right"? Society has desensitized us so much that it becomes very easy to reason away "the why" of our decisions. But, the lyrics are never written about the consequences our choices cost us, do they?

Let's talk about that for a moment. A sense of failure can affect people in a variety of ways. To some, they see the failure as a stepping stone to success and they keep on keeping on, "Nothing is Gonna Stop Them". For others, the failure strikes a chord, something is wrong and they don't know how to change it. It just seems so much easier to throw away the "present" and start anew. If multiple affairs occur in a marriage, some studies link this with a type of "sexual addiction". It's what one grabs for, just like a bottle of whiskey, to ease the pain. Or, it's used to get lost in another world while they try to make sense out of this thing called "life". One thinks, it's just easier to start all over again. It's not that easy, the "root issues & baggage" then just get transferred into that new relationship.

Being a christian doesn't make one exempt from making poor choices. We struggle with all the same temptations those in the world do. I was naive most of my life thinking otherwise. Remember the slogan on the bumper sticker, "Christians aren't perfect, they're just Forgiven"? Now, I understand the truth of what that slogan represents. All my Christian life I thought we (my family) would be "exempt" from making "really" poor choices because we loved the Lord so much. What a misconception I had about life, about people, about my husband, my family. I expected perfection, and what I got was "reality".

Beth Moore wrote a book called, "When Godly people do Ungodly Things". But by the "Grace" of God, I might have went down a different path. I could have been the one that made the choices my husband made, but I wasn't. But, I "could" have been... This sheds an entirely different light on our perspective when we understand that choices people make aren't always made because of whether they love us or not. Sometimes it's alot deeper than that. The broken relationship itself will only be a symptom of a much larger issue that is deeper inside of the one running away.

I once wrote a poem called "The Revolving Door". Sometimes we just want to escape from our Life. All we want is a way out, just for a little while. Maybe even start a new one, just for a little while. When we're ready to come back, we will...it's just that depending on how long that takes, it might be too late. And yet, it might not be. I was determined it would not be too late for us. But then again, I'm the one that defines failure as a stepping stone to success, and in my case, it was.

My prayer is that whichever state you are in right now, that you will Stop, Look, and Listen. No matter what, GOD has a plan for your life! There are no "coincidences" in life, only "Godincidences". If your reading this blogspot for daily encouragement, that's a GODINCIDENT...it's part of the plan for your recovery. It's part of the plan for HIM to use anyone and anything to help you get to the next level of total healing. The ONLY one you can change in life is YOU. God wants us to be dependent on HIM alone, for EVERYTHING! Sometimes I believe He allows the situations in our lives purposefully so we come to realize that we cannot live this life "without" HIM! We cannot change the circumstances of our lives, but we can change how we will walk through them, we can change whatever it is within ourselves along the way that we are directed to.

Some gifts come in unrecognizable packages. And for some, can even come as a result of a spouses betrayal. That may sound harsh, but the reality is that if I became a better person as a result of walking through the painful process with my husband and continue to journey for health and success in this marriage, then I've become a better person as a result of it. I've learned to "embrace" my shattered dreams and asked GOD to reveal to me the greater dreams he's given me in the process. I've grown and understand so much more about the authentic me, about my husband, about my family, about emotional health and wholeness, about what love really looks like. To me, this has been a GIFT.

My prayer for you today is that you are Staying In The Day...that you are making the most of THE PRESENT day! Remember, don't look back, don't look forward, it's such a waste of your time to try and control something you have no control over. Do something today that will make a difference, do something today that will begin to give you a sense of HOPE. Your PAIN is real, EXPRESS it; but don't allow it to hold you captive permanently. Get plugged into a support group, preferably one that is facilitated by professionals, whether licensed or pastoral led. That would be the GREATEST gift to yourself this year for Christmas! Life is all about choices, will you make this one for yourself today?

Staying In The Day with you....~CC

Exactly What Does Living a Life of Transparency Look Like...

Photo by ~CC

Clouds have a way of looking transparent at times, but somewhere hidden inside a thin film of that cloud is something dark... hidden... maybe a storm that no one knows the depth of...maybe a storm like ours. We can hide some of the darkness for a period of time. There will come a time when our tears must fall...you may be surprised at how the rain of those tears will move us forward in understanding our journey in a greater way than we ever imagined.

The quality of being see-through is what the dictionary defines the word "transparent" as. Over the past six years I've heard repeatedly of the necessity in living an "authentic and transparent" life. The word authentic is described in the dictionary as "not counterfeit", which would be synonymous with the meaning of "not fake".

I'm choosing to talk about this subject for a particular reason at this phase of my own journey. I want you to understand the need for discretion in revealing your personal story, and what exactly a "transparent" life looks like for you right now. Appropriate "Next Steps" are critical in our lives, whether personally or professionally. In order to reach a particular goal in our lives, following a blue print is always helpful. Carefully selected "Next Steps" can in some ways provide you a path to follow. Each situation is unique, because our lives all take on different facets. What may have worked best for me, may not necessarily work best for you.

At each fork in the road it's critical to pray and ask God for guidance. You may have decided to not expose your situation to "anyone" in your life. You may have opted to "go it alone" and keep your pain tucked inside because it's too difficult to let anyone know what happened to you, to your relationship, marriage... You may have decided to shout it from the rooftop as a result of the fact that the pain was too difficult to mask, everyone now knows. Or, you could have been like me, and decided to be selective on who you shared your story with. Like an onion unfolding over the years, I have become totally transparent with certain individuals when the Lord has opened up what I call the "Godincident" moments. These moments are times in which I clearly have seen God open the window for me to share my story, a little bit at a time.

When I first learned of my situation, the last thing I wanted to do was tell everyone. I just knew we'd work through whatever issues we needed to, and I strongly felt that the fewer people that knew, it would be for the better. The last thing we really needed at that time was people feeling sorry for me, for us. I was concerned that when I was dealing with anger they could possibly influence my decision to stay in the marriage and work through the hard stuff. Our decision was kept to a minimum of friends and family knowing. Neither of us told our mothers, nor most our siblings. A year or so down the road, my husband confessed his infidelity to his father. The select friends that we decided to tell became our prayer warriors to pray us through. Other than that, no one knew what we were walking through unless we told them.

One of the things I learned when I joined the support group a few years later that was so influential in my healing was the need to learn how to become an "authentic" person. All my life I worked so hard to "hold it all together", that I really didn't know how to live my life any other way. "Fake it till I make it" was even part of my motto in the sales world I was a part of. I learned in my group that to be authentic it sometimes means to let my guard down, to be vulnerable, and to be open and honest about the reality I'm living in. There was something that allowed me to feel "Freed" when I chose to share my story with this support group of women. Not only was it healing for me to do that, but my story also encouraged others that had walked the similar path I had been on. Compassion for another helps us to realize we are not alone...and that to me was huge, and still is!

When I started this blog, one of the first journal entries I made was on living a "transparent" life. As I wrote that entry and was reviewing prior to posting it, part of me felt it was a hypocritical statement since I still had not confided my story to my mother, or my other siblings. I so much wanted to at times, but yet I always held back. In some ways I think I was protecting my mother from the pain of knowing what I'd walked through, and in some ways I was still trying to protect the reputation of my husband. For whatever reason, I had not told. Please let me share at this point that I personally think that revealing one's story is not for everyone! Only if it's what you think is best for you, your spouse, and your situation. Never should you tell someone in order to rally your own defense team. If you do, you've most assuredly set your course to go down a path that could end in the dissolve of your marriage.

In my case, it's been nearly 6 years come January 16. Many of the deep wounds have healed, and we continue to move forward in our recovery. We both have done tons of counseling, soul searching with God, and have worked on growing our relationships personally to mature spiritually, as well as emotionally. My husband and I both feel our calling is to minister to women and men that are now walking a mile in the moccasins we wore at one time, and continue to wear in the ongoing recovery of our previously broken marriage. The moccasins of a marriage in turmoil, in shock, in disillusion...ready to either explode, die, or radically get saved. It's because of this reason, and this reason only, that I knew it was a matter of time before we'd begin to tell others.

Just about 4-5 weeks ago I shared my story with my sister for a specific reason. She had someone close to her needing encouragement for their marriage to hang in there, to fight with all their might; I directed her to have them visit this site. This past Saturday a simple conversation led me to confess my journey to my mother, and I cried like a baby at one point when I shared my story and path I've lived this past six years. For me, the tears were one of relief that I could finally be honest with my mom. For once I allowed myself the release to just be a daughter, and let my mom comfort me. I'd rarely made that type of choice throughout my adult years. I was always trying to protect my mom from worrying. I was always trying to play the part of the caretaker. Now, I'm working hard at changing all the old roads I used to go down, I'm choosing new paths.

No matter what discretion you've used in selecting to let others know of your story, please be cautious. Pray about who should and should not know. The people you tell can either help you or hinder you, regardless of whether you work to keep your marriage together, or to dissolve it. Godly counsel for your marriage is a must! Without some sort of solid counseling on both you and your husbands part, you will just be spinning your wheels to repair the situation. We couldn't personally afford to have us both in counseling at the same time, so we did one year for my husband first, then I went to a 4 day Intensive Counseling week at "His High Places". There is a link on this blog spot where you can access to His High Places directly if you are interested. I learned a wealth of information about myself in those short 4 days. Enough to hold me another year until God would lead me to "The Barnabas Center". Each step of my path those first few years were divinely appointed by the Lord, I truly believe that. Like that onion unfolding, a bit of pain was able to be revealed each time I'd take the "Next Step". Each fork in the road allowed me the privilege to "Let Go and Let God" more and more, more and more.

For me personally, my telling my mother this past weekend has helped me to once again become more transparent, to allow someone that is extremely close to me to see a bit more of who I really am. By my telling her a portion of my story, I've allowed her to come in to see more of me and learn who I've become these past six years, and who I am today as a result of that. We are all constantly evolving in our lives. Sometimes it is the pain from our life experiences that helps us to become the beautiful flowers we're intended to be in God's Garden of Life.

My prayer for you is that you always move with caution, and that you only reveal your story to others that are "safe" and that will be respectful of your particular situation. Let me also caution you on the "wealth of information", or lack thereof that you may share. Details and content are not necessary, and I would not recommend you share them with anyone unless you are involved in a safe and protected environment where confidentiality is enforced. The only place I recommend sharing those types of truths, if you feel necessary, are in the safety and confidential haven of a professional Support Group led by a licensed Counselor. In my group we signed agreements that we would not reveal any of our peers situations outside the group. We all respected the agreement.

Staying in the Day & Continually Moving Forward in My Journey "With You"! ~CC

The "Uninvited" Gate of Hopelessness Opens, Please Don't Make Me Go Through It

"Why is it that so many of the wisest people in our lives, those who become our teachers, who inspire us to appreciate life more completely, are people who have experienced personal tragedy?" Excerpt from Alexander Stoddard's book on Making Choices.

Pain entering one's life in any form or fashion causes one to want to open a gate to escape. That's exactly what I've wanted every time tragedy has hit my life. What exactly is it that we're trying to run away from? I think it's the reality of our existence at the moment. Whether your pain is coming from sitting in a room and hearing the diagnosis of your illness is Cancer, or if it's the fact that the Cancer has robbed you of a loved one; or maybe your pain is a result of a husband or significant other looking you coldly in the eye and saying they no longer love you...your reality at that exact moment is numbness and hopelessness.

Life isn't turning out the way you thought it was, but hold tight... God's got a plan... He knew that whatever has happened to you was going to happen. You may ask, "Why has He allowed this situation to happen"? Well, I asked that same question. Little did I know that He could take what my reality was, rescue me, teach me deep truths from people much wiser than myself, and He would grow me into a woman of dignity that I never dreamed possible. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

When one is in pain, one of two things typically happen, we fight or flee. Sitting in my living room one early morning and hearing that delivered in a sermon from a Pastor on TV really settled into my spirit. That's "exactly" what I've wanted to do all my life when I felt uncomfortable in a job, or when the stress of life was too much. I didn't want to stay in the fire I felt if there was any way out...I wanted it. On January 16, 2002, I was in a fire when that call came in....I was in deep, deep, pain... All of a sudden, life seemed worth fighting for. My husband was worth fighting for. My family was worth fighting for. And, God walked me through the Gate of the "Unknown", the target we walked toward was called "PAIN". Each day that would unfold going forward was unknown terrain for me. I had no idea how a marriage of 20 years that I thought was the absolutely best thing in my life could possibly fall prey to infection, nonetheless my husband finding himself confused, lost, and cold in his heart.

Prayer changes "Everything" for us! Something happened on January 16, 2002 within my soul after that call was over. Numbness first, hopelessness second, weariness third, it kept getting worse... I immediately called a Pastor that has been a Spiritual Dad of ours, Pastor Larry Titus. sobbing profusely unfolded my reality of only a few minutes ago to him. I'll never forget what Dad Titus said to me, "Don't do anything, He's got to come home on his own. Pray the Holy Spirit convicts him of his actions, he must come home as a result of that conviction." Dad Titus then told me that he'd try to reach out to him, which he did. He phoned and left a message, Johnny did not take the call, but he did listen to the message.

Next, I reached out to my Pastors Dan and Nori Chesney to pray. I reached out to my Bible Study partners to pray. I reached out to my children, we cried and prayed. The first night after that call we literally had a full house of people and a time of prayer in our home. All sitting in a circle Pastor Dan spoke not only to me, but to our children that were 16, 18, and 26 at the time. He talked about the reality's of life and how the destruction of all families,, Christian or not, is #1 on the list for the one most of us know as "Satan". Now, he'd gotten permission to sift our family like wheat...and that's exactly what was happening.

HOPE comes in all shapes and sizes, some as gifts of money when the finances are not enough, sometimes in shapes of humans when one can't take another breath on their own. My gift of HOPE came in many ways those first two days. Because I'd reached out "only" to my closest circle of christian friends and church family, I knew my families reality would be kept confidential. You see, my dear friends just five years earlier had experienced a similar journey in their marriage. They told all their family, all the friends, etc... It was very hard for them to work on putting their marriage back together without the pressures of what everyone else thought. All I wanted was to have my husband back home, and I wanted us to learn what it was that God could teach us that would keep us and our family intact. I didn't need the outside influence of someone telling me I had every right to divorce my husband. I needed to focus...I needed to walk through this Gate with God, and not look back.

TODAY, I can tell you that God worked MIRACLES! Does that mean the miracle was that in an instant everything was fixed? No... Does that mean that I never felt any more pain once my husband returned? No... Does that mean that I felt safe once he came home. No.... What I can say "YES" to is that everything we walked through once he returned home was "WORTH EVERYTHING" to have us together and to have our family intact.

Ya know, I learned in my support group I joined years later that even if I would've moved on in my life without him, I just may have picked another man with the same issues and I'd be in instant replay all over again. Have you ever heard the phrase before, "If you don't learn what it is that God is trying to teach you, He'll give you a new classroom and a new teacher"? Well, you don't know how true that is...and I've met many women that this exact thing has happened to.

Staying in the Day on the onset of "betrayal" or "loss" of any kind seems impossible. The only way you can do that is to focus on what GOD wants to teach you as he "walks" with you through this pain. That's the thing I learned the most about those first two days after my husband called. I "felt" alone, but I knew I "wasn't" alone. My Lord was with me, He was carrying me, He was breathing for me...

One of the nights before my husband returned my daughter and I went in to the family room, layed face down on the floor... layed our hands on a handprint of his that we'd kept when he'd be traveling. It was the way we'd pray for him when he was gone. Well, this night, we layed on the floor face down. We anointed his hand print with oil, prayed our hearts out for his return, his safe delivery, his life. I remember at one point opening the front door and praying and believing that I would see him walk through that door... Within less than 24 hours I seen that vision for real. I call that a Miracle. Conviction in one's soul is brought on by the power of the Holy Spirit, just like Dad Titus said. And when my husband made the decision to come home, the coldness left his heart and soul, and the grief and sorrow of the reality of what he'd done had set in. So, in the front door came a man that I had not known before, a broken man, a lost man, a man that needed much healing and restoration. And, now there were two broken people, lost, and needing much healing and restoration.

Where ever you are today, my message to you is one of Hope. I too have walked a mile in your shoes. One that has been dealt "Pain" and "Loss" can use their testimonies to give HOPE that GOD still does miracles. I think the most important thing that I learned through my journey is that "I found Me". Sounds cliche, I know...but, it's so true. All my life I'd try to "fix" the people I loved. I would "hurt" when I saw them hurt... I would obsessively worry about things I had no control over. My painful journey with my husband caused me to reach out for help to get me and my marriage restored. I never understood that in the process I could find life to be lived in a more fulfilled and emotionally healthy way.

No matter whether your journey is one day, one week, one month, one year... Continue to surround yourself with "quality" friends, church family, and family that will support the path that God is leading you on. Whether it is to pray your marriage through a situation, or whether it's a decision that you have felt you are to move on... keep those closest to you that are strong, positive, and Godly influences. If you've not reached out to a Pastor yet, find one that you can relate to. You may not like what you hear, embrace it anyway. You may feel that all of this is unfair. It is, do it anyway. Only you can make the decision to stay and fight, or flee and leave it all behind. If you stay and fight, you just might win! I did!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Stay in it, use it wisely. Cry out to God and ask HIM for strength to get through the day. Cry out to God to have Him show you the way. Cry out to God and just "BE" with Him.

Staying in the Day with you...please reply with a comment if you'd like me to respond to what path you are now on! You are not alone!

~CC, also known as Cassandra to my Mom....

Be Good To Me, GOD---and now!

Reading Scripture always has a way of calming my soul...

Psalm 57: 1-3 The MESSAGE Translation, Verses 1-3: "Be good to me, God--and now! I've run to you for dear life. I'm hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over. I call out to High God, the God who holds me together. He sends orders from heaven and saves me, he humiliates those who kick me around. God delivers generous love, he makes good on his word."

The past few days my heart has been heavy as to what to post next. It became evident when I was going through old email material that I kept during my earlier days of recovery. I remember so much wanting to know what the blueprint looked like for someone 6 months down the road, 1 year down the road. I just wanted an idea of whether I'd be happier, whether I'd still be in pain.

Everyones journey is different. Like our fingerprint is one of a kind, so is our own recovery. The choice of our path for finding help is really up to us. And if we don't pursue one, it's simple, you most likely won't recover, it(the pain) will always be hanging around like a friend that's overstayed their welcome. I think the interesting part of our recovery is what we decide to do about it. We have many options, it depends on what we choose to do. Whether one decides to stay in the marriage and work things through, or whether you decide to move on, there is still work for both parties to do. For some it may only take months, for some years, and for some, a lifetime. It just depends on how much you are letting go, and letting God!

There are many options for us: Professional Godly Counseling, Support Groups that specialize in Healing, your job may offer something like Life Works Counseling for free or at a discount, and Peer Accountability groups. Because finances can be one area in which a marriage in crisis is also affected by, you may feel you have no possibility for getting assistance. If you are in a church, speak to the Pastoral Board. Possibly there is some sort of support for a marital crisis such as yours. In our case, we did receive some assistance for the first few months for my husband to get help/intervention. That was a huge blessing to get us started. Later, we saved $ for my attending "His High Places", a ministry near Boone, NC, that specializes in Healing Painful Wounds. Again, a few years later I joined "The Barnabas Center" in Charlotte, NC. The Healing Path at Barnabas was to be a huge part of the "Blue Print" I had been searching for. Both "His High Places" and "The Barnabas Center" would prove to be the avenue to help me unpeel the layers of my pain, and to move me forward with hope! I was going to make it! No, I MADE IT!

Now, a peek at what my journey looked like the first day.

Rewind to 1/16/2002: I can remember the first night after I got my call and I was home all alone with our children. Not knowing what my tomorrows would hold for my marriage and my family, I sat on my living room sofa trying to do my best to read my Bible for encouragement. I could not read to save my life. But, what I found I could do was write the scriptures down on paper...so, that's what I did. As the pen met the paper and I began mechanically writing word after word something began to take place in my heart and my spirit... I began to experience comfort and hope that somehow, some way, we were going to be OK. I didn't know what that looked like, and I can't explain it, it was just a moment between me and the Lord! I'll never forget that moment.

A peek at me nine months later: Rewind to 9/3/2002: Nine months later I emailed this to a friend: "In all of this, I am on my own journey with God...with much to discuss with him. Frankly, sometimes I feel like I'm mad at him and I'm on a strike and not talking to him, yet I am...and then I'm not!!! Sound familiar? My husband is the only man in my entire life that was a healthy example of a Christlike man to me, and now.....I find out that many times that was not even true. He wanted it to be, but it wasn't....and that is confusing to me... Confusing as to why God didn't help him to escape sooner....There are many WHY's.......and the consequences of his actions are so hard.....so hard....and I want to get through them, it's just not so easy. The Why's will probably NEVER be answered....so, my favorite saying lately has been just "Stay In The Day....Stay In The Day...Stay In The Day!!! Don't look back at yesterday, and don't look at what will happen tomorrow, JUST STAY IN THE DAY.

S - aving

T - oday

A- ligning

Y- esterday

I- nto

N-ight

T- ransferring

H- eartache

E- arly

D- etermined

A- lways to stay in

Y- ahweh!!! (God)

Thought I'd have some fun with working on an acronym for Stay In The Day! Every day is a new day, every day we choose friend...and I know some days we will cry, and many we will smile, and still yet there will be days as if we are dying... But, hang in there, and know I care....and I am with you....and GOD IS WITH US....even when we're angry, sad, disillusioned, and feeling like we can't breathe anymore...WE WILL! WE WILL! WE ARE!!!" (end of email)

Rewind to 9/30/2002: Another email to a friend walking on the same path: "I Stayed In The Day for the MAJORITY of the weekend..... And, that is ALWAYS my best day when I can do that. NOT looking back." (end of email)

Now, for today, 9/18/2007: I continue to "choose" to love life! I love my husband despite the past choices he made! Isn't that what "unconditional" love is? Now, the choices he has continued to make since he returned home help me to find hope daily. He worked through counseling quite some time to find out what took him down the wrong path in making the poor choices he made. In the corporate world we call this "Lessons Learned". But guess what? I too had to find out what I needed to look at so I could move forward. Not only did I need to look at "my own stuff", I also needed to find out what "my own stuff" looked like. I found out... Will share some of that "stuff" in a future post.

Until then, Staying in the Day with you! It's a Daily choice for all of us! No matter what our Crisis! ~CC