Sometimes It's Easy To Get Lost In The Midst Of Everything That's Going On....

Point In Case: Allie, my Granddaughter Toy Yorkie, nestled in my new Christmas Gift from Kathleen, a luscious animal print throw.

It's hard to know where the throw ends and Allie begins...

A New Year can sometimes make one feel like that, somehow lost in the midst of things! I have found that starting off the New Year with determination to "avoid" the pitfalls of the norm help tremendously! The norm.....hmmm, what might that be? Oh, you might say it's the traditional set of New Years resolutions we set out to make and fail to achieve. Nah, been there and done that. Last year I tried something new and loved it! My husband and I both went away for a Valentine weekend at a B&B and worked hard to create our Mission Statements for the year. A Mission Statement is much different than a resolution because it requires you put things down on paper as to how you will actually achieve what it is that you are wanting to accomplish.

For example, I wanted to get in shape last year by exercising. I wrote this fabulous paragraph on how I would achieve my goal of getting in shape physically by walking and lifting weights. I have to laugh now when I look back and read it, since I never actually lifted weights the entire year. But, I also have to give myself credit, as I did achieve my goal of getting in shape instead by joining Curves and being committed to getting in shape by exercising 3-4x's weekly. Before the year closed out, I had achieved the goal I'd set, regardless of whether I lifted a weight or not. My ultimate goal (getting in shape) had been met by simply reading the Mission Statement over and over throughout the year as it hung on my wall. It drove me to accomplish my Mission.

I need to update my Mission Statement for this year, because I have new and exciting things I want to add to it. If you want some inspiration on what to read so you can create a Mission Statement for yourself this year, pick up Tommy Newberry's book called "Success IS Not an Accident". It's a very riveting book that creates excitement and motivation to grow as an individual. Whether you're single, married, or newly single again; personal development and growth is critical in living a happy, healthy, and fulfilled life. Tommy's book is a great way to start the New Year! A matter of fact, I'm going to read his book all over again, just to get the full impact of getting inspired for 2009!

Working to "Stay In The Day positively" with you this year! ~CC

Detach, Detach, Detach.... Will I Ever Get This Right? I'm Working On It...

When All Else Fails, Enjoy Reconnecting With God...

Work On Relaxing While Enjoying Your Favorite Scone & Cup of Tea

Chocolate Chip Banana Scone

Served with a drizzle of Vanilla Honey Curd and Devonshire Cream

Chocolate Chip Banana Scones: Ingredients:1 1/4 cup flour1/2 cup quick-cooking oats1 1/4 teaspoon baking powder1/2 teaspoon cinnamon1/4 teaspoon baking soda1/4 teaspoon salt6 tablespoons cold butter1/2 cup mashed bananas1/3 cup buttermilk1 cup chocolate chips.Directions: In a mixing bowl, combine flour, oats, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda and salt. Cut in butter. Mix banana and buttermilk thoroughly. Add to the dry ingredients. Add chocolate chips. Mix until just moistened. Knead 12 times. Pat out into a 6" circle. Sprinkle with sugar. With a sharp knife, cut into 6 - 8 wedges. Place 1" apart on lightly greased baking sheet. Bake at 425F for 12 minutes or until golden.
This recipe is from CDKitchen and serves/makes 8

Today was one of those days that started out great! I enjoyed starting work, took an early lunch hour to enjoy a conversation with my friend Kathleen in PA...and then I received a call from one of my adult sons. He is experiencing life at it's worst; a recent broken engagement, dissatisfied with where he's at in the life decisions he's made in the past few years, not happy with where his job is taking him; need I say more?

While on the call, I did my best to listen to his frustrations and say all the right "Motherly" things to encourage him. I hung up the phone and felt like I had now been covered up with a blanket of hopelessness. I felt like his mood had now shifted to me! Drats, I hate it when that happens; can you relate? The remainder of the afternoon I knew exactly what my old nature was doing, getting stuck in something that I didn't need to own. Going back to my support group days, I soon recognized I was in the old pattern of attaching myself to the emotional turmoil that my son was experiencing. I reminded myself that I can love him from a distance without taking on his pain. The best way I can love both myself and him is to pray for him and his needs and then to...Detach...Let Go.... So, I practiced the following: I verbally repeat this to myself over and over...Detach, Detach, Detach... And, I say it in a way that assures me that it's ok to not take on this burden that isn't mine to take. My son will eventually get through this time. In order for him to mature; he needs to experience lessons learned, just like I have in my own life.

It may sound funny to you, but when you realize that you're beginning to obsess or get overly stressed over things you have no control over, detaching is the only thing you can do to be kind to yourself. So, today was one of those days that a scone and cup of tea were created for! There's nothing like "Detaching" with a favorite snack and hot drink - better yet, grab your favorite magazine or book and remind yourself how to do something for just you! That's my self prescribed advice for me today, you might as well enjoy it too!

Bon Appetite! Staying In The Day with you....~CC

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New Century Version) 5 Trust the Lord with all your heart, and don't depend on your own understanding. 6 Remember the Lord in all you do, and he will give you success.

©Letting Go Of The Things I Cannot Control...

What Does Letting Go Look Like?

The Flame Of Letting Go...

©Photography by ~CC

I have learned the most challenging thing in life for me has been to release those I love into the "Trust of God's Hands" for the outcome in their lives. It's only through the support I received while attending a Christian Counseling Center that I realized how backward thinking that is. If I believe any worry I choose to entertain in any way helps my loved ones or myself; I have failed both of us greatly.

Instead, I have learned to work very hard at bending my old nature toward laying them rightfully where they belong, in the hands of our Beloved Savior. It's only when I Let Go of them and Let God take the drivers seat of my burden that I have been successful.

Each opportunity that's presented to me, I get to practice this over and over. One of these days, I'm gonna get it right. One of these days, my old nature will be totally bent to where it needs to be.....in allowing the Flame of my own will to "Let Go and Let God" in relation to all those I love.

My prayer today is that you are also working to let go of the things you were never meant to control. Worrying is not about loving, it's about not trusting our Heavenly Father. Just like He has rescued us, He will also rescue our loved ones! The Flame of Letting Go will get easier the more we exercise it...

Staying In The Day with you and continuing to choose to work to "Let Go"... ~CC

© ~Fabrics of Friendship

© Photography by ~CC

While sweeping over one of my favorite chairs

upholstered in mini stripes of deep purple velvet and butter cream hues yesterday, I was enamored by the fact that I selected this fabric because it reminded me of two dear purplesque friends. Have you ever selected fabric, a decorative pillow, or a teacup to add to your collection in a particular color or pattern because it reminds you of a precious friend? An epiphany came to mind as I swept that striped chair. Fabrics really represent friendships in a unique way. Not only because of the pattern or the color, but because of what the word itself defines.

Thus my search began on the word "Fabric". Lo and behold, the epiphany I had did have some context. I used my trusty thesaurus to locate words of similarity that relate to the word fabric. I found words such as: substance, transparency, softness, flexibility, and consistency. Fabrics of Friendship doesn't only sound great, it is great! Now I understood why I had one of those "Godincident" moments. An epiphany, I truely believe, is a "Godincident thought". To me they are one and the same, because any good thing is a gift from God, even epiphany's! James 1:17 (New International Version) 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Reflecting on that phrase "Fabrics of Friendship", I found myself going down mental paths of all the times my friends have lifted me up, rallied around me, cared beyond measure... This thought evoked the scripture in my memory of Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. I thought about how supportive my friends have been throughout my life. I am so blessed by the friends I've had for years, even decades! I guess God didn't think that was enough, so he gave me more. He gave me new friends when I experienced new situations in my life. Situations that no one else could possibly imagine, only someone walking in the same moccasins.

Sitting here now, I reflect on the friend I still feel safest while crying on her shoulder; the friend I love to brainstorm with; the friend I can sit and be 100% myself with ~ to be content in gazing through magazines, sharing ideas, or simply sitting on her patio watching a bird feed while neither of us say a word; and the friend I share the deepest spiritual conversations with that leaves us both floating like a feather afterwards ~ and many times we leave the conversation with a scripture as a gift to one another so we can post somewhere to remind us each of how we continue to journey on with hope for our futures. How blessed I am! I rest in knowing that each time I sit in my purple and butter cream striped velvet chair, it represents two amongst the great list of my friends.

I find the length of a friendship doesn't really quantify the depth of a friendship. What does is the vulnerability and honesty that one brings to the relationship. That's where the true and faithful "transparency" I so often talk about comes in. To have a friend where one is always trying to figure out "what" to say, or not to say; or a friend that you feel you are constantly in "competion" with, that's not a healthy friendship.

Then there are those friendships that just hit a bump of misunderstanding in the road. When determined, that type of friendship can go the distance, just simply because you know it's meant to be. I have one of those friendships, and I can say it will be one that will last forever. I realized that if we could marry for better or for worse, we could then certainly look at a friendship in a similar fashion and work through the bumps, instead of throwing in the towel because of hurt feelings. I can still remember when our friendship was rekindled. We sat in her living room as I shared with her how I had come to the conclusion that so many friendships end because they don't want to work through the tough stuff. I remember not being afraid of giving our friendship another chance. Instead, I was excited that we were allowing God to grow each of us in our friendship.

The friendship that knows no sense of time. It would be amiss of me to not mention the friendships that experience years of separation. Once reunited, it's as if time stood still. The love, the laughter, and the memories vivid...as if it were today. Like two teenage girls sitting together at a sleepover, they begin to unfold the layers of events that have transpired since each has last seen one another. Though each may wear a few new lines in their foreheads, time has stood still. Cherished memories are now brought back into light as the day spent together breathes new life into such a valued partnership!

Then there are the controlling friendships. The ones that are confining, debilitating, and exhausting. By now, you probably understand that those defining words do not describe a "friend". All of us have to reevaluate from time to time the people we choose to spend time with, the people we tend to migrate toward. If it's not the "Fabric of Friendship" that I have written about today, it may not truly be a friendship at all.

Be good to yourself today and do inventory of the type of friendships you have. Remember, Ralph Waldo Emerson stated it best when he said the following: "A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends". Even though you may not select the fabrics in your home to remind you of a friend, I'm sure you have your own unique way of keeping them near to you as well.

Enjoy this day, enjoy this moment, and reach out to a precious friend this week to let them know how much you care! Staying In The Day with you....~CC

Loving Ourself and Others Well....

Photography by ~CC "A Summer Day at the Biltmore Estate Gardens"

Just because we "love" someone, it doesn't mean that we love them well... that includes our self! About two years ago when I joined a women's support group at The Barnabas Center in Charlotte, NC., I learned that it's possible that the "way" we love is not necessarily a healthy way to love.

After learning this, I reflected on the way I'd loved people both past and present. I understood that I was included in the statistics of people who didn't know how to love well. Whether it was loving my parents, my siblings, past boyfriends, and eventually husband and children; all my life I loved poorly by loving too much. Basically, I was always motivated to do things to "keep" their love. I was always doing things I thought I "ought" to do. Most times I didn't consider how some of those things I chose to do would effect me in the long run. I never thought about my own self, at least I didn't think I was thinking about my own self. I just wanted to "keep" the person happy that I loved so they wouldn't leave me.

Falling "in love" as a young woman and marrying Prince Charming is a dream come true for many little girls. It was for me when I married my husband, Johnny. Many women marry the man they think will "complete" them, I did. It sounds so romantic too, doesn't it? "Loving One's Self Well" was already not clear to me. I learned much later in life that to have a healthy emotional love relationship with anyone, I had to bring myself into the relationship feeling "complete and happy" already. I needed to be complete in myself to give 100% of myself to any loving relationship.

Fast forward 20 years... No one can give us happiness and joy if we haven't already learned how to find it within ourselves, we find it within the foundation of our faith and in one's own character. A job can't fill that empty vacuum, and a man that we love can't fill it. It's up to us to search and find out who we are and why we do the things we do. Without knowing these things about ourselves as young women, we go into any relationship with a deficit. We go into the relationship with our cup half full looking for someone else to fill the other half and bring us the joy that we've long searched for.

Many of us have old scars from past pain that we stuff into parts of our heart, "thinking" we're moving forward in life. We're not going to allow ourselves to be affected by a past that binds us we say. So, we walk through life tying to use the coping skills we used as children, yet we aren't a child any longer. The things that used to help us cope are no longer working.

OK, who are we then? Just asking ourselves that question is the start of finding out. Then we are beginning to search out what it means to be an authentic woman, even when it means that we might have to face certain truths about ourselves. It's one thing to fool the ones around us, it's another to realize we've fooled our self the most throughout our life. That's exactly how I felt when I realized that the positive happy person that I constantly radiated to all those around me was not who I truly was inside.

"I will never grow up and allow my children to see me sad and crying, I never want them to see me like that. I don't ever want to make them sad." I had made this unspoken vow when I was a little girl. The reason was because my mother's nerves were often frayed due to having a challenging life with six children by the time she was 29 years old.

I was fourth in the lineup. By the time I was 9, the two older siblings had left the nest. All I wanted was to see my mom smile. I'd clean the house to put a smile on her face. I'd try to make dinner to try and put a smile on her face. I still remember the first time I made a pot roast. She was lying in bed resting and I'd walk back in the room and she'd tell me what to do next.

Early on I struggled to understand what loving well meant. I thought if I just loved harder, it would make my Mom happier. I took this same principle into my adult relationships, and then couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong.

What does "Loving One's Self Well" look like? Really, in many ways for me, it was learning a few things about myself before I could really learn how to love myself well. When I became aware of who I really was as a person... and how I was wired, it explained why I did the things I did all my life. Once I became "aware" of all these things, that's when I began to see I had a choice in changing.

I had to come to grips with the fact that I've struggled in and out of depression much of my life. Most likely because of all the emotions I "thought" I had to stuff. Now I understand why being around people that were depressed were too horrible of an experience for me. It was too much like looking into a mirror and finding out what was truly hidden deep in my own heart. I had to stop running, I needed to learn "about" me, I needed to change what I could, and live with what I couldn't change.

The tragic choices my husband made six years ago brought me to my knees...I was coming full circle to find out the secret I had missed all my life. The Secret to Loving Myself Well, so I could love others well. Loving myself well starts with my being honest when I speak, even when that honesty might hurt the one I love. Do I wear my hair short because my husband likes it short, or because I like it short? If I love myself well, I wear it short because I like it short. If we are continually doing things so people will love us, it's not really an emotionally healthy love we are exhibiting. It's the fear of losing the love from that person is what causes us to do it. Fear some how is at the root of all dysfunction I've learned. The fear of losing the people we love.

Life today looks like this for me: I work daily to be an "authentic" person. I exercise being honest, even when it's difficult...and even when I'm in the mindset that I could hurt someone as a result of my honesty. I allow myself to tell my boss that this is what I can do, and this is what I can't do... when I know too much is being piled on my corporate plate. I am learning to care "about" the people I love, instead of caring "for" them. I am working at "letting go" and "letting God" in all aspects of my life. I'm journeying deeper into finding out what "Intimacy with God" really looks like for me. I'm working hard to "detach" myself when I begin to become obsessed over things I cannot change about the people I care about the most. They deserve their own life experiences just like I do. I am learning to listen to the leaves blowing across my path when I'm taking my walks in the day. I'm learning to stay in the "Present", again, and again, and again. I am learning to Love Myself Well!

And when I slip and fall....and again begin to start to love too much, I have great friends asking me if I'm still loving myself well. That's when I am reminded that this is a life long way of living. It takes time...and I can only get better with time to love myself well. It is when I love myself well that I have something to give, something to contribute to the ones that love me!

Staying In The Day! ~CC