The artwork in the framed print says, "Focus on the day, not the years!"

I guess for birthdays, that fits perfectly.

But in marriage, I think it's fitting to focus on the years!
We're celebrating a milestone for us, 30 years...

It's exactly one decade since our marriage appeared to be ending.
It seemed like I'd never ever trust again...

In those days, I had to focus on the day...just to stay in it!

But now, I do focus on the years, and it's a positive focus.  

The years of us working hard together to overcome the obstacles that came our way.  

The years that I wondered if I'd ever "cross over" to the other side and find my way back to love him like I'd loved him before the betrayal.

And yes, I did learn to trust him again - and honestly I questioned whether I ever could for many many years.   

I did learn to "cross over" to the other side and have found I love him more than I did yesterday.

We are driving off soon to St. Augustine, FL where we'll spend celebrating our milestone Anniversary...

We'll reconnect, and we'll celebrate the "Miracle" of God saving our marriage.

I always heard that a true marriage takes "3".

In our case, that rang true~

Thank you Lord for rescuing me, "us"...

and for giving us a marriage that beat all the odds...

It truly was all  because of "You"!

I continue to work hard after all these years just to "Stay in the Day"...

but now for different reasons~

Happy Anniversary to US!

~CC Catherine

Seeing me in Her!

Last week I learned that a precious young girl that is dear to my heart is walking through marital discord. Even though the journey she's on is totally different than what my own was nearly 9 years ago, the heartbreak is just as deep and real! She reminds me of what I looked like back then!
I learned never to diminish another’s depth of pain by comparing the wounds that have been inflicted on us, it’s just not fair. "Pain is Pain", regardless of what all the different situations might be!

I remember a friend telling me about a book called Unintended Journey years ago after my situation erupted. I never got to purchase or read the book, but the title never left me. No mate, no matter how young or old, ever intends to walk down the aisle so that years later they find themselves in a broken state and on this journey. We just wake up one day and it's as if someone has packed our bags without our knowledge, put them in our hands, and with a shove forward...off we are sent into this unknown place of disclosure ~ learning the authentic mate we married, instead of staying in the dream we thought we were in of a normal, or even what some would deem as a "perfect marriage"!

Today I'm reminded that my nine year anniversary is nearly here, and with good Godly counseling for both my husband and myself...the journey has come to a good place of healing, restoration, and renewal! We didn't get here overnight, but the time it took and the things we did in getting here...were all worthwhile! We still have one another, and we're authentically still doing the things we need to do to keep healthy emotionally and relationally. Our children still have the two parents they love "together" working hard to stay in recovery and healing and not turning back.

To be fair to all those mates that did "everything" they could, yet seen their relationships or marriages still fail... my heart goes out to you! Hold your head high if you did all you could to save the relationship! "I did the best I could with what I had", many of you might say. Trust me, I believe you! I have friends from a support group that I was a part of years ago. Some of their journeys with their marriages are still suffering, someone in the partnership is still stuck... thinking they'll always be like this, they can't change they say. Change is a choice, not something that comes natural to us. If you're in this category, find your hope in the fact that God knows how hard you tried, and move forward in your life.

The great thing about God is He gives us a second chance…and many times a third and fourth in life. I like who I’ve become today! I may not like the reality of how I came into my “fullness”, so to speak! ~ Sometimes in life there will be questions we’ll never have answered…the whys can be endless. It’s when I stopped asking “Why” in my own broken marriage, and started asking “What” about me that I felt like I was on the right track…and little by little God led me to the path that worked for me to learn more about “Who” I am and change what I could, ME!

For my young friend, and all those that are in the “midst” of working hard to save their marriages or relationships ~ my Hat’s off to you! You’ll learn more about yourself than you have your entire life!

Staying in the Day, Sweeping my Own Side of the Street!
~CC Catherine

Holding His Hand Tightly As He Leads...

Tulips have a way of waiting for the perfect moment to reveal their true beauty, our lives sometimes are the very same way... God's timing is always perfect with everything he's created!

Who Was I?

Today I'm reminded of how much "My Story" of the past has bled into different chapters of "My Story" in the present. Those too familiar words have rung in my ear as I've journeyed, "Let Go and Let God".

I would find myself giving the wheel to God, and before I knew it, it was as if my life was heading for a sharp curve. The fear foundation that I was raised in would begin to bubble up within like a rising thermometer...and before I realized it, I'd ripped the wheel out of God's hands and taken it back into my own.

The Pieces all Link Together, One Way Or Another...
Everything from our past molds us into the individuals we become today, both good and bad. Larry Crabb's book, "Shattered Dreams" says it best. He writes that shattered dreams are never random, they are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. He moves on to write that the Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God., to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. He continues on in his book to share that it's our shattered dreams that have the power to change our lives for good, Forever." Reading his book would prove to be part of my process of breaking some of the barriers that needed broken down so God could do what He needed to do within my heart for the rebuilding of my marriage to begin.

Along Life's Way...I'm Getting it!

I have learned throughout the walk of our Marital Restoration that God uses "everything" to help us "GET IT". In the past seven years of walking in Marital Restoration and healing He has taught me more and more about myself, about the deepest fears that I would never acknowledge existed. He's taught me about "My Trust Issues" with Him. He's revealed to me all the hundreds of questions in my heart that I never allowed myself to voice aloud...and he showed me the depth of the anger I'd never allowed to surface my entire life. Did these things have anything to do with my marriage if their origin didn't have anything to do with it? Yes, inadvertently...I'm positive they did; regardless of whether the questions, fears, trust issues, or anger had anything to do with me or my husband's relationship directly or not. The "Dance" of marriage we observe and learn along the way becomes "Our Dance" as a couple. It's up to us then to make sure the steps we're dancing together need corrected by "The Professional", God, or not... Good Christian Marital counseling by trained individuals is critical for healing in a marriage. They were definitely part of His Blueprint for our healing and restoration.

Don't Sugar Coat It!

With all that I've learned these past years, I'd like to say that I have forever given the wheel to Father God, never to rip it out of his hands again. I'll be honest and transparent instead here and not sugar coat it..."it's a process" that I'm getting better at each time I'm allowed to walk through a period of crisis in my life. I owe God much, I owe Him everything. Throughout my life I've tried to save myself at every sharp curve and did a horrible job of it. I did the best that I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Within the past seven years God has used my life experiences in my marriage to get at the deeper core of all the roots that were robbing me of the full joy and peace that I could have if I just gave Him the wheel of my life, my heart. I learned that it's in my heart that I needed to give in, it's in my heart that I needed to "Let Go and Let Him be God"~

Where I'm At Today

Today I am using the "tools" that He has guided me to so I can continue to learn more about who I am and why I have done the things I have over the periods of my life to survive. What helped me survive my abuse as a child no longer work to survive my life crises as an adult. It's when I began to learn why I did the things I did that I could begin to change the things I could about myself, and that was only something I could do with His guidance and support every step of the way.

The Gift

Ultimately...my Marriage Crisis was a gift to me. I couldn't have made that statement on January 16, 2002...or December 25, 2005, etc... If the gift were packaged in the most beautiful gift wrap and tied up with the fanciest bow, I'm positive I would have never opened it if you'd told me what me, my husband, and my family would need to walk through to come to the place we are today. Trust is something I've learned along the way...and just like a real marriage, God is teaching me new ways to love him, new ways to trust him, and new ways to "Let Go and Let Him" control every area of my life, every crevice of my heart...

My Only Guarantee in Life

God is my only guarantee in life. Isaiah 42:16 "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them". When my Beloved first came home, this was the first scripture we put on a card and taped to our wall...we memorized it and would say it over and over and over. I realized that what I thought I wanted in the early stages of my journey was a "Blueprint" of weeks, months, and years ahead of me ~ The haunting question early on was, "What would we look like as a couple, family, would we make it?" And if we did, what would that look like? Instead "He", The Lord, wanted to lead me by holding my hand one moment and day at a time. Not only has that taught me how to trust Him more, but it's also how I've learned to trust my Beloved again...

No matter what our journey, He is here with us to "Stay In The Day" forever, regardless if we get the Blueprint we wanted or not! Just hold His hand and let him lead...you!

xoxo ~CC

Things don't always look like they really are, even in L*O*V*E

Sometimes throughout my journey in my marital restoration, it was easy to feel disconnected. I continued to stay focused on reading encouraging books for couples who worked hard and had success in going the distance. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it! I joined The Barnabas Center and learned how I could find "Dignity" for myself, despite what had happened in my marriage.
In the end...well, not the "end"...but once we'd reached what I call "My Renewal in Trusting", I started feeling connected again. My marriage felt beautiful again, just like this crocheted sachet that I made recently for a special friend.

During the process of crocheting the sachet, I didn't want to work at it. So was the process of my journey in my marital recovery; but just like the finished sachet, my dedication to stick it out and finish what I'd started helped me to find beauty again in trusting my Beloved!

"My Renewal in Trusting" is much more beautiful than even this sachet! ;)

Staying In The Day... ~CC
Psalm 30:5 "Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the Morning"

Seven Years...God's Grace IS Awesome!

Happy Anniversary to Us! It's a bit after midnight, the day after January 18, our seven year anniversary of the day we had our miracle! The miracle was that I got my husband back, and I never knew I'd lost him...but I had. The Story, way too long to explain... but if you want to hear more, start by reading my Blog Archives from September of 2007.

Pic of my Beloved holding our new Granddaughter Cate on 12/18

This blog actually started as a result of our journey...I wanted to encourage other women to move on in their lives with dignity, regardless if their marriages weathered the storm or not. I wanted to offer a place where they could find someone that maybe was a little bit further in her journey of marital recovery so they could see that it's possible time "can" heal broken hearts.

It seemed I was meeting so many women with torn relationships, separated or divorced...it seemed easier to send them to this blog to hear my own story...and I could do what I try to do more in my life now...focus on the "now" and Stay In The Day with them...encourage them! My story is an important part of my life, it made me realize how precious my Beloved is...and how quickly I nearly lost him. It made me realize that he wasn't the only one that needed to change, I learned I did too. I feel blessed that our family survived the war...but it wasn't easy.

My husband dedicated himself to much counseling, I followed......we worked hard, and still do to learn all we can about each other. We never stopped loving each other, yet our life was nearly stolen from us. I feel we experienced a miracle.....everyday I feel like this. None of this would have been possible if it were not for the Grace God gave us......and the constant helper that He is to us. I always wanted a blueprint of what our recovery would look like in the early years.....I now understand "God" just wanted me to lean on Him, trust Him, one day at a time... I'm getting better at that every day!

I'm trusting my husband again...and I'm trusting that even though there are no guarantees in life with the exception of the Lord never leaving me, we'll grow old together rocking away; just like we always said we would. Happy Anniversary to us! On July 4th we will celebrate 27 years of marriage, by God's Grace...

On a calendar that sits on my husbands desk that is in front of me now, it reads the following for 1/18: "A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them" (taken from Ecclesiastes 3) This seemed so fitting for our anniversary bible verse. We now laugh, we now dance, we now gather stones...

Staying In The Day with you... ~CC

~Focus on Today - Today is where you are, Stay In It and Fall Backwards...

Treat Yourself With Dignity - Eat Healthy!

Butter Bib Lettuce, Red Cabbage, Mango, Oven Roasted Walnuts, Blueberries,

Drizzle w/ Rasberry Vinigrette Salad Dressing Salad

Last evening my husband had an "A'ha" moment. He was bringing me a cup of hot tea. As he walked into the family room, he was reminded of a tracing of my hand print I had made for him over 6 years ago. Around the outside of the handprint I'd copied an old poem I had written for him when we fell in love over 27 years ago. As he recalled this memory, he had a sweet smile on his face. I reminded him, lovingly, "That's the poem I sent to you six years ago when you weren't well, right before your call to me the following week". The call I was referring to was when he told me he would not be coming home, and that he was in a relationship with another woman.

He had totally misplaced in his memory why and when I'd given that to him. He only knew how much it had meant to him. Consequences of poor choices always have a way of creeping back into our memory. For me, that handprint and poem were a good memory. I felt God had inspired me to draw my handprint and copy that old poem around it, mail it next day air with a 13 page letter to remind him of my love and committment to him. At the time I thought he was nearing a nervous breakdown, but I had not a clue as to what was causing it. The memory for him when I shared why I had gave it to him brought sadness. Sadness on reflecting who he had become, and the pain that his sin had brought to me, our children, and himself.

We have rare flashbacks of those painful days, weeks, months, and early years when he came back to us. Fortunately for both of us, the counseling and support groups we joined in those early days of recovery continue to help us stay on the right track!

• We focus on the things we can change, not on the things we cannot; "the past".
• We live each day to the fullest and pray for God to guide us in each of our steps.
• We do our best to allow one another to sweep their own side of the street, we're still working on this one. This equates to not trying to control each other.
• We continue to strive for growth individually, both spiritually and emotionally.
• We realize that it's important to have accountability partners of the same sex, each of us. Marriage is work, regardless whether we are men and women of faith or not. By sharing our struggles with a "safe" friend that can pray with and for us, this helps us to stay on the right track.

  I leave you today with some food for thought:
• Never keep a secret to yourself of thoughts you're entertaining regarding an "emotional" connection to someone you know or have just met. Emotional connections are considered an emotional affair. When we are frustrated about where our marriage is, or what our marriage is not, it's very easy to fall into a trap of admiring someones kindness to you. This is definitely a baby step toward an affair beginning. Purchase the book, Torn Assunder, by Dave Carder if you relate to what I'm explaining here. Become Aware so you can "Beware" of what could ensnare you in this vulnerable time.
• Be appreciative that you are surviving one day at a time! Don't borrow what tomorrow holds, stay in today. Pray, read the word, (write it if you feel you are not remembering what you are reading, I did this) eat healthy, walk or exercise.
• Find a good marriage counselor & support group. We chose Christian counselors that were able to both speak to our spiritual and emotional needs. They were great!
• If you have children, get them into counseling; we did not do this. That was an oversight that we struggle sometimes to forgive ourselves for not doing. Sometimes we are so engrained in our own grief that we think that if our marriage makes it, that's all our children need. Children can be damaged in deep ways. They need to express their own emotions of the pain they are experiencing as they see their parents struggle to keep their marriage in tact. And they need to express them to a professional that can help them sort out their feelings to cope in a healthy way.
• Treat yourself with Dignity! Dignity for me was no longer trying to find out "who" she was. No more searching the web to find a phone number to call and dump my frustration and emotions out on her. No more trying to ask questions about how he had felt toward her. Dignity for me was to begin to hold my head high, and be good to myself. When I felt like I was being sucked back to that "victim" mentality, I had to purposefully choose the higher road.

  I pray you will choose the higher road too! Maybe you are just at the beginning of your journey, maybe you're like me and are years down the road in the recovery of your marriage. Maybe you are walking alone, and life is uncertain either way. Trust God! As painful as all your days can be at times, HE will bring you through them, one by one. I hung on to, and still do, my favorite bible verse, Proverbs 3: 5&6: 5. Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. 6. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

  Staying In The Day along with you, ~CC
• PS: This post was originally written for an earlier post. I'm reposting again for the recipe I refer to on my other blog this week: http://catherinesteacups.blogspot.com/ I also wanted to say that tomorrow, 1/18/09, will be seven years since the phone call I refer to in the post. Early in my situation I wondered if I would ever get to a place of peace again in my marriage. I longed for a blueprint that would tell me when, and if, I'd ever regain it. I'm blessed to say that "today" I am experiencing that peace. Each day gets better...and I give God all the glory for bringing us "through" what was meant to destroy us! ~CC

Sometimes It's Easy To Get Lost In The Midst Of Everything That's Going On....

Point In Case: Allie, my Granddaughter Toy Yorkie, nestled in my new Christmas Gift from Kathleen, a luscious animal print throw.

It's hard to know where the throw ends and Allie begins...

A New Year can sometimes make one feel like that, somehow lost in the midst of things! I have found that starting off the New Year with determination to "avoid" the pitfalls of the norm help tremendously! The norm.....hmmm, what might that be? Oh, you might say it's the traditional set of New Years resolutions we set out to make and fail to achieve. Nah, been there and done that. Last year I tried something new and loved it! My husband and I both went away for a Valentine weekend at a B&B and worked hard to create our Mission Statements for the year. A Mission Statement is much different than a resolution because it requires you put things down on paper as to how you will actually achieve what it is that you are wanting to accomplish.

For example, I wanted to get in shape last year by exercising. I wrote this fabulous paragraph on how I would achieve my goal of getting in shape physically by walking and lifting weights. I have to laugh now when I look back and read it, since I never actually lifted weights the entire year. But, I also have to give myself credit, as I did achieve my goal of getting in shape instead by joining Curves and being committed to getting in shape by exercising 3-4x's weekly. Before the year closed out, I had achieved the goal I'd set, regardless of whether I lifted a weight or not. My ultimate goal (getting in shape) had been met by simply reading the Mission Statement over and over throughout the year as it hung on my wall. It drove me to accomplish my Mission.

I need to update my Mission Statement for this year, because I have new and exciting things I want to add to it. If you want some inspiration on what to read so you can create a Mission Statement for yourself this year, pick up Tommy Newberry's book called "Success IS Not an Accident". It's a very riveting book that creates excitement and motivation to grow as an individual. Whether you're single, married, or newly single again; personal development and growth is critical in living a happy, healthy, and fulfilled life. Tommy's book is a great way to start the New Year! A matter of fact, I'm going to read his book all over again, just to get the full impact of getting inspired for 2009!

Working to "Stay In The Day positively" with you this year! ~CC

©Letting Go Of The Things I Cannot Control...

What Does Letting Go Look Like?

The Flame Of Letting Go...

©Photography by ~CC

I have learned the most challenging thing in life for me has been to release those I love into the "Trust of God's Hands" for the outcome in their lives. It's only through the support I received while attending a Christian Counseling Center that I realized how backward thinking that is. If I believe any worry I choose to entertain in any way helps my loved ones or myself; I have failed both of us greatly.

Instead, I have learned to work very hard at bending my old nature toward laying them rightfully where they belong, in the hands of our Beloved Savior. It's only when I Let Go of them and Let God take the drivers seat of my burden that I have been successful.

Each opportunity that's presented to me, I get to practice this over and over. One of these days, I'm gonna get it right. One of these days, my old nature will be totally bent to where it needs to be.....in allowing the Flame of my own will to "Let Go and Let God" in relation to all those I love.

My prayer today is that you are also working to let go of the things you were never meant to control. Worrying is not about loving, it's about not trusting our Heavenly Father. Just like He has rescued us, He will also rescue our loved ones! The Flame of Letting Go will get easier the more we exercise it...

Staying In The Day with you and continuing to choose to work to "Let Go"... ~CC

©Thanksgiving......and Sticktoitiveness....

On the edge of where I took a seat...

©Photography by ~CC

There's been many times in my life that I didn't want to stick to something. There was the time when I was 10 and had been taking piano lessons for a year. When I was just beginning to get good and the practice required more of me utilizing my left hand, I quit. Then there was the time when I was a teenager and my school work required more of me to be among the A-Section (Academic) in my high school, I just did what came easy without much studying...and made great grades, but graduated among the B-Section (Business) peers instead of giving my best. Unfortunately I brought this same mentality into my 20's, 30's, and even my 40's. Finally, somewhere in my late 40's, I decided just getting by, wasn't enough. Phil: 3: 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

A few years back, I finally learned what Phil. 3: 13&14 meant. When my husband returned home nearly seven years ago, something inside wouldn't give up and move on like I would have in the past. There was this innate "Sticktoitiveness" that I couldn't explain. Somewhere inside of my heart I kept hearing whispers of words like, "It's going to be alright, don't give up". I spent much time in God's word back then, as each day was an overwhelming mountain for me and my husband in what became a huge walk in his recovery. Surprisingly to me, in my own recovery too. Then about two years ago, I took another role in my company. I had worked in the department for nearly five years at that time. Everyone felt I had the experience and knowledge of about all there was to know, I'd be a perfect fit with the new job. Well, needless to say, I felt very under qualified when I began the training and learned there were so many details I didn't know. All of a sudden, it was like I was 10 again, taking piano lessons and I wanted to quit. Something inside of me wouldn't let me. More little voices began to play in my head, "God wouldn't open a door for me if He hasn't equipped me, don't give up...don't give in, "Focus on Finishing Well". Fortunately, I listened to those voices in my head and I didn't give up. It took me five months to get to feeling "comfortable" again...but the long hard road was worth it.

The photo included in this blog posting is another photo taken on Veteran's Day in Tallulah Falls, GA. It was in the middle of a climb to get to the top of the mountain. It was the only place in the two mile hike that I thought I was going to have to give up. I turned around on the steps, sat down, and looked at this view. Something told me to take this picture...and now I know why. It's another example in my more recent years of where I put into practice, "Sticktoitiveness". I made it to the top of the mountain.......and if I hadn't, all the other lovely landscape of Fall Foliage would have been missed. I wouldn't have gotten to experience the Mountain Top experience with my husband and our buddy that was along. On Nov 11, ~CC accomplished another feat! Even though it may have been small in many's eyes, it was large in mine!

I like who I am today...who I've become anyways...because I'm a perfect example of how God changes someone through tragedy. I could have given up on my marriage in 2002, with God's help I didn't. I could have given up on the new role I took in my department two years ago, with God's help I didn't and I absolutely love what I do. And, on the first hike of my life I took in the gorgeous State Park of Tallulah Falls, GA, I didn't give up...and the reward was so awesome!

Whatever you're up against today, don't give up. "Sticktoitiveness" is quite rewarding, and it teaches us much about who we are, and who we've not yet become. Thankfully, God didn't give up on me...I'm sure He won't give up on you either!

Staying In The Day with you... ~CC

~Wild About You... Meeting The Love Of My Life on Valentine's Day 27 Years Ago!

© Photography by ~CC

© Wild About You...

I so badly wanted to journal on ~Valentine's Day, but with the hustle and bustle of my work day and then whisking a special candle lit Valentine Dinner up for my husband, I didn't have time.

It is refreshing to experience, see, and taste what recovery from a broken marriage looks and feels like. Sitting in our dining room as a couple last evening, my husband said "Grace" for our meal. As he was praying, tears came to my eyes as I was reflecting on the "amazing journey" that God has brought us through these past six years. My heart was extremely thankful to the Lord for being with us in those early days of rebuilding our marriage. He helped us to stay strong and determined to walk through all the "hard stuff" like counseling, consequences, and taught us both how to deal with memories that didn't want to go away.

In the brief moment my husband prayed those words, I realized what a BLESSING and MIRACLE we've witnessed first hand. The more we focus on our "Today" and less on our yesterdays, the faster we continue to heal. The less we worry about our tomorrow and stay in "Today"...the faster we heal. The more we continue to give God control of our marriage...the more our love is rekindled.

Letting go of the need to control is an art! The more I let go of it, the more beautiful the picture of me becomes! I bought my husband the "Wild About You" pillow to celebrate his 40th birthday. It is placed on our bed daily as I toss my pillows to and fro. I am still "Wild About Him"!

Psalm 36:7How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

Staying In The Day with you...and continuing to Celebrate my Marriage! ~CC

Be Good To Me, GOD---and now!

Reading Scripture always has a way of calming my soul...

Psalm 57: 1-3 The MESSAGE Translation, Verses 1-3: "Be good to me, God--and now! I've run to you for dear life. I'm hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over. I call out to High God, the God who holds me together. He sends orders from heaven and saves me, he humiliates those who kick me around. God delivers generous love, he makes good on his word."

The past few days my heart has been heavy as to what to post next. It became evident when I was going through old email material that I kept during my earlier days of recovery. I remember so much wanting to know what the blueprint looked like for someone 6 months down the road, 1 year down the road. I just wanted an idea of whether I'd be happier, whether I'd still be in pain.

Everyones journey is different. Like our fingerprint is one of a kind, so is our own recovery. The choice of our path for finding help is really up to us. And if we don't pursue one, it's simple, you most likely won't recover, it(the pain) will always be hanging around like a friend that's overstayed their welcome. I think the interesting part of our recovery is what we decide to do about it. We have many options, it depends on what we choose to do. Whether one decides to stay in the marriage and work things through, or whether you decide to move on, there is still work for both parties to do. For some it may only take months, for some years, and for some, a lifetime. It just depends on how much you are letting go, and letting God!

There are many options for us: Professional Godly Counseling, Support Groups that specialize in Healing, your job may offer something like Life Works Counseling for free or at a discount, and Peer Accountability groups. Because finances can be one area in which a marriage in crisis is also affected by, you may feel you have no possibility for getting assistance. If you are in a church, speak to the Pastoral Board. Possibly there is some sort of support for a marital crisis such as yours. In our case, we did receive some assistance for the first few months for my husband to get help/intervention. That was a huge blessing to get us started. Later, we saved $ for my attending "His High Places", a ministry near Boone, NC, that specializes in Healing Painful Wounds. Again, a few years later I joined "The Barnabas Center" in Charlotte, NC. The Healing Path at Barnabas was to be a huge part of the "Blue Print" I had been searching for. Both "His High Places" and "The Barnabas Center" would prove to be the avenue to help me unpeel the layers of my pain, and to move me forward with hope! I was going to make it! No, I MADE IT!

Now, a peek at what my journey looked like the first day.

Rewind to 1/16/2002: I can remember the first night after I got my call and I was home all alone with our children. Not knowing what my tomorrows would hold for my marriage and my family, I sat on my living room sofa trying to do my best to read my Bible for encouragement. I could not read to save my life. But, what I found I could do was write the scriptures down on paper...so, that's what I did. As the pen met the paper and I began mechanically writing word after word something began to take place in my heart and my spirit... I began to experience comfort and hope that somehow, some way, we were going to be OK. I didn't know what that looked like, and I can't explain it, it was just a moment between me and the Lord! I'll never forget that moment.

A peek at me nine months later: Rewind to 9/3/2002: Nine months later I emailed this to a friend: "In all of this, I am on my own journey with God...with much to discuss with him. Frankly, sometimes I feel like I'm mad at him and I'm on a strike and not talking to him, yet I am...and then I'm not!!! Sound familiar? My husband is the only man in my entire life that was a healthy example of a Christlike man to me, and now.....I find out that many times that was not even true. He wanted it to be, but it wasn't....and that is confusing to me... Confusing as to why God didn't help him to escape sooner....There are many WHY's.......and the consequences of his actions are so hard.....so hard....and I want to get through them, it's just not so easy. The Why's will probably NEVER be answered....so, my favorite saying lately has been just "Stay In The Day....Stay In The Day...Stay In The Day!!! Don't look back at yesterday, and don't look at what will happen tomorrow, JUST STAY IN THE DAY.

S - aving

T - oday

A- ligning

Y- esterday

I- nto

N-ight

T- ransferring

H- eartache

E- arly

D- etermined

A- lways to stay in

Y- ahweh!!! (God)

Thought I'd have some fun with working on an acronym for Stay In The Day! Every day is a new day, every day we choose friend...and I know some days we will cry, and many we will smile, and still yet there will be days as if we are dying... But, hang in there, and know I care....and I am with you....and GOD IS WITH US....even when we're angry, sad, disillusioned, and feeling like we can't breathe anymore...WE WILL! WE WILL! WE ARE!!!" (end of email)

Rewind to 9/30/2002: Another email to a friend walking on the same path: "I Stayed In The Day for the MAJORITY of the weekend..... And, that is ALWAYS my best day when I can do that. NOT looking back." (end of email)

Now, for today, 9/18/2007: I continue to "choose" to love life! I love my husband despite the past choices he made! Isn't that what "unconditional" love is? Now, the choices he has continued to make since he returned home help me to find hope daily. He worked through counseling quite some time to find out what took him down the wrong path in making the poor choices he made. In the corporate world we call this "Lessons Learned". But guess what? I too had to find out what I needed to look at so I could move forward. Not only did I need to look at "my own stuff", I also needed to find out what "my own stuff" looked like. I found out... Will share some of that "stuff" in a future post.

Until then, Staying in the Day with you! It's a Daily choice for all of us! No matter what our Crisis! ~CC