Love...

Love, A Desire...A Passion...

What is it? I know, I think I know,

I was wrong, I don't know at all.

I tell myself, you know love...you knew love...

It's gone, It left,

Like the sun setting in the evening,

It's gone forever, But where has it gone?

I can't see love anymore, It has now left my burdened soul.

But wait, Is love that I see? Yes, it is. It's really love.

But the love of a friend is what I "need",

Not the love of the World, The sin it feeds my mind, The false that blinds my eyes, It's not love,

But nothing at all.

Five years ago I began on a journey I never intended to travel. A journey that would create a need within my soul to learn how to just simply, "Stay in the Day". Through a series of life events, my marriage and my family came to a screeching halt in January, 2002. Life as we knew it would never ever be the same. And, like Humpty Dumpty, I wasn't sure if we could ever be put back together again.

Sound familiar? Maybe you, or someone you know, have walked through something that has hit you square in the chest, knocked the wind out of your sails, and in the blink of an eye your life is in a zone you never intended to find yourself in. We all share threads of a tapestry in our life stories, yet unique. We sometimes find ourselves feeling all alone, we have no blueprint to follow to get back what we just feel we've lost... or to know which road to follow going forward.

The Death of any Dream of what we "thought" we had can be an isolating and paralyzing reality for any individual. Whether it comes as a result of an "Unexpected Illness", "Death of a loved one", "Betrayal in a Marriage, friendship, etc...", "Incarceration of a loved one", or "Loss of a job where the commitment has been over and above what has been expected", the outcome still equates to something dieing.

Life has turned the page, and what do you now do to cope? You find yourself being forced to watch a part in a movie that makes you want to run out the back door. You get to the exit door and they won't let you out. They simply escort you back to your seat, and insist you continue to stay and watch the movie. The movie is your life and the people you love are in it with you. The movie picks back up at the Death of your Dream, whatever that may be.

Well, for myself, I learned that even a "Miss Pollyanna" can eventually come to a fork in the road where she must learn to Let Go, and Let God. Let go of what? "Everything" All control is lost, all the positive statements, motivational hype, and coping skills I'd used all my life were drawing a blank. January 16, 2002, was my Movie, the "Death of my Dream". The nature of survival was to just learn how to "Stay in the Day" so I could get to the next one. And to the next one, and to the next one.

I tried searching everywhere for the "Blueprint" that would help me with my recovery plan. I couldn't find it. The words God whispered in my ear were "Stay in the Day". Don't worry about what's behind you, don't fret about what is ahead of you, just focus on "Staying in the Day". Seemed simple enough, as in those days I felt mentally all over the place. "Stay in the Day" would become the phrase I would remind myself of when I tried living in the past, or borrowing something from the future that I could not control.

I found my "Blueprint" one year into my journey. I'll be sharing much of that with you as we walk together. The Death of my Dream, unfaithfulness in my marriage, was a reality for me. But in the midst of that, I found an entirely new one. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, my marriage and family were all put back together again, but it wasn't overnight. We're not the same people in the movie anymore, any of us. I found we weren't the perfect family I thought we were either. I learned there is no perfect marriage or family. That helped me so much! The expectations for any of us trying to be the best at everything can be overwhelming.

All the true life characters in the threads of my tapestry are still growing, still searching, and still trying our best to "Stay in the Day". Trying to focus on what one can change, instead of focusing on what we can't go back and change. A real "authentic" life has both joy and sadness. Without sadness or loss, one would not ever truly understand the depth of joy. An unexpected turn in one's path on any "Unintended Journey" doesn't have to be walked alone. As the days unfold, your own "Blueprint" will be made known to you, just like mine was to me. In the meantime, Stay in the Day.

Proverbs 3: 5 & 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

~Cassandra, to my Mom, & ~CC to my Barnabas Center friends...