~Focus on Today - Today is where you are, Stay In It and Fall Backwards...

Treat Yourself With Dignity - Eat Healthy!

Butter Bib Lettuce, Red Cabbage, Mango, Oven Roasted Walnuts, Blueberries,

Drizzle w/ Rasberry Vinigrette Salad Dressing Salad

Last evening my husband had an "A'ha" moment. He was bringing me a cup of hot tea. As he walked into the family room, he was reminded of a tracing of my hand print I had made for him over 6 years ago. Around the outside of the handprint I'd copied an old poem I had written for him when we fell in love over 27 years ago. As he recalled this memory, he had a sweet smile on his face. I reminded him, lovingly, "That's the poem I sent to you six years ago when you weren't well, right before your call to me the following week". The call I was referring to was when he told me he would not be coming home, and that he was in a relationship with another woman.

He had totally misplaced in his memory why and when I'd given that to him. He only knew how much it had meant to him. Consequences of poor choices always have a way of creeping back into our memory. For me, that handprint and poem were a good memory. I felt God had inspired me to draw my handprint and copy that old poem around it, mail it next day air with a 13 page letter to remind him of my love and committment to him. At the time I thought he was nearing a nervous breakdown, but I had not a clue as to what was causing it. The memory for him when I shared why I had gave it to him brought sadness. Sadness on reflecting who he had become, and the pain that his sin had brought to me, our children, and himself.

We have rare flashbacks of those painful days, weeks, months, and early years when he came back to us. Fortunately for both of us, the counseling and support groups we joined in those early days of recovery continue to help us stay on the right track!

• We focus on the things we can change, not on the things we cannot; "the past".
• We live each day to the fullest and pray for God to guide us in each of our steps.
• We do our best to allow one another to sweep their own side of the street, we're still working on this one. This equates to not trying to control each other.
• We continue to strive for growth individually, both spiritually and emotionally.
• We realize that it's important to have accountability partners of the same sex, each of us. Marriage is work, regardless whether we are men and women of faith or not. By sharing our struggles with a "safe" friend that can pray with and for us, this helps us to stay on the right track.

  I leave you today with some food for thought:
• Never keep a secret to yourself of thoughts you're entertaining regarding an "emotional" connection to someone you know or have just met. Emotional connections are considered an emotional affair. When we are frustrated about where our marriage is, or what our marriage is not, it's very easy to fall into a trap of admiring someones kindness to you. This is definitely a baby step toward an affair beginning. Purchase the book, Torn Assunder, by Dave Carder if you relate to what I'm explaining here. Become Aware so you can "Beware" of what could ensnare you in this vulnerable time.
• Be appreciative that you are surviving one day at a time! Don't borrow what tomorrow holds, stay in today. Pray, read the word, (write it if you feel you are not remembering what you are reading, I did this) eat healthy, walk or exercise.
• Find a good marriage counselor & support group. We chose Christian counselors that were able to both speak to our spiritual and emotional needs. They were great!
• If you have children, get them into counseling; we did not do this. That was an oversight that we struggle sometimes to forgive ourselves for not doing. Sometimes we are so engrained in our own grief that we think that if our marriage makes it, that's all our children need. Children can be damaged in deep ways. They need to express their own emotions of the pain they are experiencing as they see their parents struggle to keep their marriage in tact. And they need to express them to a professional that can help them sort out their feelings to cope in a healthy way.
• Treat yourself with Dignity! Dignity for me was no longer trying to find out "who" she was. No more searching the web to find a phone number to call and dump my frustration and emotions out on her. No more trying to ask questions about how he had felt toward her. Dignity for me was to begin to hold my head high, and be good to myself. When I felt like I was being sucked back to that "victim" mentality, I had to purposefully choose the higher road.

  I pray you will choose the higher road too! Maybe you are just at the beginning of your journey, maybe you're like me and are years down the road in the recovery of your marriage. Maybe you are walking alone, and life is uncertain either way. Trust God! As painful as all your days can be at times, HE will bring you through them, one by one. I hung on to, and still do, my favorite bible verse, Proverbs 3: 5&6: 5. Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. 6. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

  Staying In The Day along with you, ~CC
• PS: This post was originally written for an earlier post. I'm reposting again for the recipe I refer to on my other blog this week: http://catherinesteacups.blogspot.com/ I also wanted to say that tomorrow, 1/18/09, will be seven years since the phone call I refer to in the post. Early in my situation I wondered if I would ever get to a place of peace again in my marriage. I longed for a blueprint that would tell me when, and if, I'd ever regain it. I'm blessed to say that "today" I am experiencing that peace. Each day gets better...and I give God all the glory for bringing us "through" what was meant to destroy us! ~CC