Anyone who's made a mistake of colossal proportion can tell you the "title" of this blog entry is more than accurate. The #1 statistic for the failure of marriages finds it's root in the financial condition of that couples life. Any financial mismanagement births a sense of failure, the sense of failure births stress, stress opens the door as to how we will "medicate" ourselves to alleviate that stress.
Typically when a relationship enters into this realm, each partner has a slightly different view of who owns the responsibility of the way their money is spent, or who made the choices that lead them down the path of the credit cards being maxed out, and all the other choices that making it from paycheck to paycheck no longer are enough. All of a sudden each mate finds themselves going down a road of choice to "escape". Thus, opens the door for addictive behaviors. Whether it's overeating, overspending, overworking yourself, or even being an addictive talker, you are making those choices to avoid dealing with the real issues in your life. Think about it, if overspending is an addiction, then there were issues in place in your life that started the desire to overspend in the first place, right?
From my research, one does not start out to just "have an affair". Choosing to have an affair occurs as a result of one not dealing with deeper root issues in their life. Just like an alcoholic nurses a bottle of whiskey to drown their sorrows, the same thing occurs when one instead steps outside the boundaries of marriage to select another person to drown their sorrows with. Do you remember the song from the 80's, "If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right"? Society has desensitized us so much that it becomes very easy to reason away "the why" of our decisions. But, the lyrics are never written about the consequences our choices cost us, do they?
Let's talk about that for a moment. A sense of failure can affect people in a variety of ways. To some, they see the failure as a stepping stone to success and they keep on keeping on, "Nothing is Gonna Stop Them". For others, the failure strikes a chord, something is wrong and they don't know how to change it. It just seems so much easier to throw away the "present" and start anew. If multiple affairs occur in a marriage, some studies link this with a type of "sexual addiction". It's what one grabs for, just like a bottle of whiskey, to ease the pain. Or, it's used to get lost in another world while they try to make sense out of this thing called "life". One thinks, it's just easier to start all over again. It's not that easy, the "root issues & baggage" then just get transferred into that new relationship.
Being a christian doesn't make one exempt from making poor choices. We struggle with all the same temptations those in the world do. I was naive most of my life thinking otherwise. Remember the slogan on the bumper sticker, "Christians aren't perfect, they're just Forgiven"? Now, I understand the truth of what that slogan represents. All my Christian life I thought we (my family) would be "exempt" from making "really" poor choices because we loved the Lord so much. What a misconception I had about life, about people, about my husband, my family. I expected perfection, and what I got was "reality".
Beth Moore wrote a book called, "When Godly people do Ungodly Things". But by the "Grace" of God, I might have went down a different path. I could have been the one that made the choices my husband made, but I wasn't. But, I "could" have been... This sheds an entirely different light on our perspective when we understand that choices people make aren't always made because of whether they love us or not. Sometimes it's alot deeper than that. The broken relationship itself will only be a symptom of a much larger issue that is deeper inside of the one running away.
I once wrote a poem called "The Revolving Door". Sometimes we just want to escape from our Life. All we want is a way out, just for a little while. Maybe even start a new one, just for a little while. When we're ready to come back, we will...it's just that depending on how long that takes, it might be too late. And yet, it might not be. I was determined it would not be too late for us. But then again, I'm the one that defines failure as a stepping stone to success, and in my case, it was.
My prayer is that whichever state you are in right now, that you will Stop, Look, and Listen. No matter what, GOD has a plan for your life! There are no "coincidences" in life, only "Godincidences". If your reading this blogspot for daily encouragement, that's a GODINCIDENT...it's part of the plan for your recovery. It's part of the plan for HIM to use anyone and anything to help you get to the next level of total healing. The ONLY one you can change in life is YOU. God wants us to be dependent on HIM alone, for EVERYTHING! Sometimes I believe He allows the situations in our lives purposefully so we come to realize that we cannot live this life "without" HIM! We cannot change the circumstances of our lives, but we can change how we will walk through them, we can change whatever it is within ourselves along the way that we are directed to.
Some gifts come in unrecognizable packages. And for some, can even come as a result of a spouses betrayal. That may sound harsh, but the reality is that if I became a better person as a result of walking through the painful process with my husband and continue to journey for health and success in this marriage, then I've become a better person as a result of it. I've learned to "embrace" my shattered dreams and asked GOD to reveal to me the greater dreams he's given me in the process. I've grown and understand so much more about the authentic me, about my husband, about my family, about emotional health and wholeness, about what love really looks like. To me, this has been a GIFT.
My prayer for you today is that you are Staying In The Day...that you are making the most of THE PRESENT day! Remember, don't look back, don't look forward, it's such a waste of your time to try and control something you have no control over. Do something today that will make a difference, do something today that will begin to give you a sense of HOPE. Your PAIN is real, EXPRESS it; but don't allow it to hold you captive permanently. Get plugged into a support group, preferably one that is facilitated by professionals, whether licensed or pastoral led. That would be the GREATEST gift to yourself this year for Christmas! Life is all about choices, will you make this one for yourself today? Staying In The Day with you....~CC
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