Reading Scripture always has a way of calming my soul...
Psalm 57: 1-3 The MESSAGE Translation, Verses 1-3: "Be good to me, God--and now! I've run to you for dear life. I'm hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over. I call out to High God, the God who holds me together. He sends orders from heaven and saves me, he humiliates those who kick me around. God delivers generous love, he makes good on his word."
Psalm 57: 1-3 The MESSAGE Translation, Verses 1-3: "Be good to me, God--and now! I've run to you for dear life. I'm hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over. I call out to High God, the God who holds me together. He sends orders from heaven and saves me, he humiliates those who kick me around. God delivers generous love, he makes good on his word."
The past few days my heart has been heavy as to what to post next. It became evident when I was going through old email material that I kept during my earlier days of recovery. I remember so much wanting to know what the blueprint looked like for someone 6 months down the road, 1 year down the road. I just wanted an idea of whether I'd be happier, whether I'd still be in pain.
Everyones journey is different. Like our fingerprint is one of a kind, so is our own recovery. The choice of our path for finding help is really up to us. And if we don't pursue one, it's simple, you most likely won't recover, it(the pain) will always be hanging around like a friend that's overstayed their welcome. I think the interesting part of our recovery is what we decide to do about it. We have many options, it depends on what we choose to do. Whether one decides to stay in the marriage and work things through, or whether you decide to move on, there is still work for both parties to do. For some it may only take months, for some years, and for some, a lifetime. It just depends on how much you are letting go, and letting God!
There are many options for us: Professional Godly Counseling, Support Groups that specialize in Healing, your job may offer something like Life Works Counseling for free or at a discount, and Peer Accountability groups. Because finances can be one area in which a marriage in crisis is also affected by, you may feel you have no possibility for getting assistance. If you are in a church, speak to the Pastoral Board. Possibly there is some sort of support for a marital crisis such as yours. In our case, we did receive some assistance for the first few months for my husband to get help/intervention. That was a huge blessing to get us started. Later, we saved $ for my attending "His High Places", a ministry near Boone, NC, that specializes in Healing Painful Wounds. Again, a few years later I joined "The Barnabas Center" in Charlotte, NC. The Healing Path at Barnabas was to be a huge part of the "Blue Print" I had been searching for. Both "His High Places" and "The Barnabas Center" would prove to be the avenue to help me unpeel the layers of my pain, and to move me forward with hope! I was going to make it! No, I MADE IT! Now, a peek at what my journey looked like the first day. Rewind to 1/16/2002: I can remember the first night after I got my call and I was home all alone with our children. Not knowing what my tomorrows would hold for my marriage and my family, I sat on my living room sofa trying to do my best to read my Bible for encouragement. I could not read to save my life. But, what I found I could do was write the scriptures down on paper...so, that's what I did. As the pen met the paper and I began mechanically writing word after word something began to take place in my heart and my spirit... I began to experience comfort and hope that somehow, some way, we were going to be OK. I didn't know what that looked like, and I can't explain it, it was just a moment between me and the Lord! I'll never forget that moment. A peek at me nine months later: Rewind to 9/3/2002: Nine months later I emailed this to a friend: "In all of this, I am on my own journey with God...with much to discuss with him. Frankly, sometimes I feel like I'm mad at him and I'm on a strike and not talking to him, yet I am...and then I'm not!!! Sound familiar? My husband is the only man in my entire life that was a healthy example of a Christlike man to me, and now.....I find out that many times that was not even true. He wanted it to be, but it wasn't....and that is confusing to me... Confusing as to why God didn't help him to escape sooner....There are many WHY's.......and the consequences of his actions are so hard.....so hard....and I want to get through them, it's just not so easy. The Why's will probably NEVER be answered....so, my favorite saying lately has been just "Stay In The Day....Stay In The Day...Stay In The Day!!! Don't look back at yesterday, and don't look at what will happen tomorrow, JUST STAY IN THE DAY.
Everyones journey is different. Like our fingerprint is one of a kind, so is our own recovery. The choice of our path for finding help is really up to us. And if we don't pursue one, it's simple, you most likely won't recover, it(the pain) will always be hanging around like a friend that's overstayed their welcome. I think the interesting part of our recovery is what we decide to do about it. We have many options, it depends on what we choose to do. Whether one decides to stay in the marriage and work things through, or whether you decide to move on, there is still work for both parties to do. For some it may only take months, for some years, and for some, a lifetime. It just depends on how much you are letting go, and letting God!
There are many options for us: Professional Godly Counseling, Support Groups that specialize in Healing, your job may offer something like Life Works Counseling for free or at a discount, and Peer Accountability groups. Because finances can be one area in which a marriage in crisis is also affected by, you may feel you have no possibility for getting assistance. If you are in a church, speak to the Pastoral Board. Possibly there is some sort of support for a marital crisis such as yours. In our case, we did receive some assistance for the first few months for my husband to get help/intervention. That was a huge blessing to get us started. Later, we saved $ for my attending "His High Places", a ministry near Boone, NC, that specializes in Healing Painful Wounds. Again, a few years later I joined "The Barnabas Center" in Charlotte, NC. The Healing Path at Barnabas was to be a huge part of the "Blue Print" I had been searching for. Both "His High Places" and "The Barnabas Center" would prove to be the avenue to help me unpeel the layers of my pain, and to move me forward with hope! I was going to make it! No, I MADE IT! Now, a peek at what my journey looked like the first day. Rewind to 1/16/2002: I can remember the first night after I got my call and I was home all alone with our children. Not knowing what my tomorrows would hold for my marriage and my family, I sat on my living room sofa trying to do my best to read my Bible for encouragement. I could not read to save my life. But, what I found I could do was write the scriptures down on paper...so, that's what I did. As the pen met the paper and I began mechanically writing word after word something began to take place in my heart and my spirit... I began to experience comfort and hope that somehow, some way, we were going to be OK. I didn't know what that looked like, and I can't explain it, it was just a moment between me and the Lord! I'll never forget that moment. A peek at me nine months later: Rewind to 9/3/2002: Nine months later I emailed this to a friend: "In all of this, I am on my own journey with God...with much to discuss with him. Frankly, sometimes I feel like I'm mad at him and I'm on a strike and not talking to him, yet I am...and then I'm not!!! Sound familiar? My husband is the only man in my entire life that was a healthy example of a Christlike man to me, and now.....I find out that many times that was not even true. He wanted it to be, but it wasn't....and that is confusing to me... Confusing as to why God didn't help him to escape sooner....There are many WHY's.......and the consequences of his actions are so hard.....so hard....and I want to get through them, it's just not so easy. The Why's will probably NEVER be answered....so, my favorite saying lately has been just "Stay In The Day....Stay In The Day...Stay In The Day!!! Don't look back at yesterday, and don't look at what will happen tomorrow, JUST STAY IN THE DAY.
S - aving
T - oday
A- ligning
Y- esterday
I- nto
N-ight
T- ransferring
H- eartache
E- arly
D- etermined
A- lways to stay in
Y- ahweh!!! (God)
Thought I'd have some fun with working on an acronym for Stay In The Day! Every day is a new day, every day we choose friend...and I know some days we will cry, and many we will smile, and still yet there will be days as if we are dying... But, hang in there, and know I care....and I am with you....and GOD IS WITH US....even when we're angry, sad, disillusioned, and feeling like we can't breathe anymore...WE WILL! WE WILL! WE ARE!!!" (end of email)
Rewind to 9/30/2002: Another email to a friend walking on the same path: "I Stayed In The Day for the MAJORITY of the weekend..... And, that is ALWAYS my best day when I can do that. NOT looking back." (end of email) Now, for today, 9/18/2007: I continue to "choose" to love life! I love my husband despite the past choices he made! Isn't that what "unconditional" love is? Now, the choices he has continued to make since he returned home help me to find hope daily. He worked through counseling quite some time to find out what took him down the wrong path in making the poor choices he made. In the corporate world we call this "Lessons Learned". But guess what? I too had to find out what I needed to look at so I could move forward. Not only did I need to look at "my own stuff", I also needed to find out what "my own stuff" looked like. I found out... Will share some of that "stuff" in a future post. Until then, Staying in the Day with you! It's a Daily choice for all of us! No matter what our Crisis! ~CC
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